Lost Without You

Ch.19

        Chris P.O.V

Dr.lyner sigh, clearly irritated with me, "My final words for you is, to come to truth. you can't continue to lie to yourself, stop refusing the truth, let it free. how will you ever heal? how will the guilt go away? if you can't come to truth with yourself? think about it."

"My truth you say? well, you see, i do believe that her death was my fault, ain't no doubt in that. & yes, i feel very guilty about it. it makes me feel as if i murdered my own child, you know? i caused a lot of shit in her life, things weren't always sunshine & rainbows, we had our moments. & i know physically i didn't kill her, but mentally? fuck yeah, & that's what bothers me the most."

and that's only half my truth, there's more. but for some reason, i refuse to believe it.

"All i can say to that, is to be more honest with yourself. i could only do so much, now its up to you."

the words 'up to you' is never music to my ears, its painful & a slap to the face. because now, another person have giving up on me. & do i blame her? no.

"Thank you." Is the least I could say as she exit the room.

I wish I could apologize to everyone for wasting their time. I knew, we all knew, that i wasn't worth it. Truth is,I don't know if I'll ever heal. but there once was hope, so I thank them for that.

& now here I am, probably bout to go to jail for some illegal shit. & I ain't even worried bout that, I just want to see how my daughter doin. but i can't do that when I have zero access to her.

man, life fucking sucks.

—

"Take your clothes off." I said as dr.judy felt on my erection with her hands. Pulling my shirt over my head, I tossed it to the side as she slid her hand to my belt, quickly undoing it.

"Im not in the mood for foreplay." she straddled my lap & leaned down, planting a kiss on my lips. Pulling her down onto my dick, she moaned & gripped my shoulders as she bounced up & down.

"We should've used a condom." she moaned, bouncing even faster & I sent a hard slap to her ass causing her to bit her lip & moan in pleasure.

"I'll pull out in time trust me."

This was just sex. & instead of dealing with my feelings, I fuck until I can no longer feel the pain & guilt. The sorrow. The disappointment. Just everything. Sex makes me feel good & that's all I need.

________________

Ebony P.O.V

Since amoura had got her second tube insert, she has been doing very well. she no longer wakes up in the middle of the night throwing up, or crying in pain. her lungs isn't filled with water anymore, so the tubes were removed. she's now learning how to breathe on her own again & boy, its the funniest thing in the world, she literally will sit & gasp all day & night. & laugh afterwards. It makes me smile in relief that she is no longer in pain.

To me, this is the scariest thing that a mother could ever experience. The fear you felt within everything you or your child did, is so scary. I was always the last to fall asleep, shit, I didn't even want amoura to close her eyes, in fear she may drown in her sleep or simply just die because she was in so much pain.