Lost Without You

Ch.13

Next Morning...

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Chris P.O.V

"So can you tell me what exactly happened a year ago that lead jaidah to commit suicide?"

I sighed, "I kept jai hidden from the world for thirteen years & she didn't like it very much so it caused us to have problems. All I wanted to do was protect her from the negative shit folks had to say but she never understood that which made her regret telling me that I could finally tell the world about her once she seen that I was right. People were so fucking rude to her, telling her to kill herself or calling her ugly or their threatening to kill her. All type of shit."

Dr.lyner asked, "And when you seen it for yourself, what did you do?"

"I made a post to instagram basically telling em to back the fuck off & to leave her alone & her mom did the same. It didn't work. Shit only got worse & it caused jai to go fucking pyscho."

"What happened?"

"The comments got to her thats what happened. She started lashing out on her mom & sometimes she would cut herself whenever she couldn't control all the thoughts at once. Jai wasn't the same since then." I explain as I fiddle with my fingers.

"After dealing with all of that is when she decided to kill herself?"

"I don't know. I remember having a conversation with her about how much I love her & how much she meant to me so she wouldn't belive anything the fans said when it came to me & her relationship but I guess she wasn't really hearing me. I think thats when she started planning to kill herself but im not sure."

"Okay, I understand what lead her to commit suicide so lets fast forward. Do you feel that its your fault?"

I sniffled a little, "Of course I do! If I would've never kept ker a secret, she will still be here. It was selfish of me to do. Its my fault."

Dr.lyner shook her head, "Its no ones fault. How do you know that this wouldn't have happened even if you didn't keep her hidden? Sometimes you just have to think of things that way."

"I can't see it like that. Jai was thirteen. She would know how to deal with it because she grew up with it. Comments on her post would be off or she would block people but she couldn't do any of that because I introduced her to everything so late."

"Social media, do you still be on there?"

"No, I disabled my instagram page & jai's page after her death. I didn't disable royalty's though because I have no access to it. People on social media don't deserve to see whats going on in my personal life, not my kids or who im fuckin."

"So its just fuck teambreezy? Their not family anymore?"

"Fuck em. All of em. If I could kill half of teambreezy I would." I stated, flaring my nostrils.

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Jaliyah P.O.V

I sat at the edge of my bed & held jai's obituary up to my chest, "Come here London."

London stopped playing with her toys & ran over to me, "Mama?"

I opened jai's obituary to a picture of her & showed it to London, "Who is this?"

London grabbed the obituary & stared at the picture, "Mama?"

"That isn't mommy. Look at it again."

She shook her head & placed the obituary in my lap, "No mama."

I grabbed London by her arms & pulled her up on to the bed, "Don't no me! Now, who is this?"

It's very important to me that London know who jai is since she didn't have a chance to meet her & I need her to know that even though jai isn't here, she's still her big sister.

London pointed at the picture, "Jai.Dah."

I smiled & clapped my hands together, "Good job baby!"

"Jai.Dah? Mama?" London crawled into my lap & picked at my face.

I frowned, "Jai isn't here but she watches over you everyday. She would've loved you & you two would've been inseparable. I just know it."

It makes me sad that London won't have any memories of jai besides the snapchat videos I have of jai kissing & talking to my belly. I hate she couldn't meet her.

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Jaliyahma: Jai.Dah *London's voice* 💞

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