Lost Without You

Ch.2

Next Day...
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Ebony P.O.V

"It's 9 a.m & he's still not here."

Chris didn't come home last night so I stayed up all night waiting for him. I couldn't fall asleep because I was worried that something may have been wrong since his phone kept going to voicemail.

I sighed tiredly, hearing amoura cry.

"Mommy's here." I walk over to our bed, picking her up before placing her in my arms.

I started to become frustrated as I rocked her in my arms. I needed help with the baby since chris is barely here to help & when he is here he doesn't volunteer to do anything.

Her crying soon died down so I just paced back & forth with her still in my arms, "Please come home chris."

I so badly wanted to go to sleep but I won't shut my eyes until he comes home so that I know he's okay.

I stopped pacing when I heard keys jingling at the door, "Chris?"

"Hmm."

He stumbled into the house, taking off his jacket, hanging it up. I noticed that his pants were unzipped & his shirt was ripped.

"What the hell happened to you & where the fuck you been?!"

He put his hands on both sides of his head, "Please stop yelling."

"NO! I want to know where you been all night!"

"I don't fucking remember, damn. The only thing I remember is waking up at tyga house."

"Don't tell me you did what I think you did."

"I don't know what the fuck you thinking so think out loud." he walk over to our bed, sitting down as he began taking off his shoes.

"Im thinking either you got drunk or you did some drugs."

"Maybe I did both or I did either or, so?"

"So? That shit is bad for you! It's very unhealthy & you're already dealing with a lot so getting drunk & doing drugs ain't helping!"

"For 1, stop raising yo voice at me. 2, quit yelling over my child."

"Im not trying to yell it's just I want you to be better. I need you to stop holding things in & talk to me. Im here. I've been here since day 1 & you can't push your feelings away by doing what you think is coping."

"Who are you to judge? You don't know what I feel. It wasn't your child that passed away, it was mine so you can't relate to what im going through. So do me a favor & back the fuck off."

"Fine." I walk over to my side of the bed, "but if you don't want to open up to me then at least go to jaidah's grave & have some time to yourself."

"I was planning to do that anyway. I only came home to shower & then I was heading back out."

"Okay but this time come back home to me. I really need you."

He didn't say anything he just nodded.

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Chris P.O.V

I ended up taking amoura with me so I could have some quality time with her. I mean, I haven't been a father to her since she was born & she's 2 months going on 3 months.

"Daddy loves you so much princess." I smile, watching her through the mirror as I drive up the rode.

The last time I told someone that I loved them was a year ago. Except that 'I love you' never got to them. It was too late to say it.

"We're going to visit your sister today." I pull into the cemetery, driving down the path to where jaidah's buried.

Jai isn't buried openly, hers is private. I had glass in the color of black built around her burial. There's a glass door that you have to enter & it takes you directly to her headstone.

"Daddy got ya baby." I wrap amoura in her Minnie Mouse blanket before taking her out the car.

I held her against my chest so she could be warmer. All she's does is sleep & I didn't want to wake her.

"Here we go." I blew a breath, pushing the doors open to the burial. I stepped inside as the door closed behind me.

"Hey babygirl. Im sorry for not coming to visit you often I just have a lot going on. Life is hard without you. Im not on track anymore. I started doing drugs again, fucking around, & drinking my life away. I miss you a lot." I slowly rub my thumb across her name that's written on the headstone.

"I wish I could tell you how royalty was doing but I can't. The last time I seen royalty was the day we found your body & since then I haven't contacted her. I tried to come up with so many ways to tell her that you died but nun of them were successful enough so I let her live on thinking that you're alive. Selfish right? I know."

I tried to hold back the tears but I let them fall freely. Im always holding in all my emotions so now was the time to let it all out.

"WHY DID YOU DO IT? WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING THROUGH YO HEAD? DO YOU KNOW HOW HURT I AM?! DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT HOW HURT I WOULD BE? DAMN! THIS SHIT HURTS! YOU HURT ME!"

My chest heaved up & down as I roughly wipe my tears. I still had so much anger, guilt, & pain built up but I didn't want to be here all night. I had to leave before dark.

"I love & miss you." I kiss her headstone, leaving out.

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