Lost Without You

(FLASHBACK) Ch.9

1 year ago...
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Chris P.O.V

"Aye, can we talk?"

Its been a week since we've found jai's body & its hard to adjust to the fact that shes gone & never coming back which is the most hurtful part.

I feel that maybe if I would've shown her to the world earlier in her life than things wouldn't have turned out like this, she would still be here. Its my fault, everything is.

I knew that I could always talk to jaliyah about it & she would tell me the complete opposite & let me know that nothing is my fault, hopefully.

"About what?" she asked, putting together her hospital bag.

"Well, I've been feeling guilty about jaidah's death and—"

she put her hand up in the air, silencing me, "You have no reason to feel that way."

"I have a lot of reasons actually. One—"

"How about we continue this conversation another time? you know, whenever I have time to talk."

I frowned, knitting my eyebrows together, "You aren't even doing anything besides putting your things inside your hospital bag which isn't gonna take long."

"Actually I do have other things to do
& it doesn't include listening to your negative talk, ok?"

"I was just trying to come & talk to you about how guilty I feel for jai's death & that I blame myself for the reason that she killed herself but you think that im being negative? aight."

How is expressing my feelings about my daughters death negative? I understand that we're all grieving at the moment but this has been weighing on my chest since & all I wanted to do was open up about it.

——————-Later that night..

Jaliyah P.O.V

"Hey, did chris come in here & talk to you?" His mom asked as I entered the house.

I had just got back from walmart shopping for the baby & surprisingly it took longer than usual.

"Why?"

she held up a clear bag of heroine, "This is why."

I sighed, "We didn't really talk it was more of me listening to him than talking & I didn't really care to hear it because it was negative."

"Was it about the drugs because if so than you should've listened to him."

"He didn't tell me anything about the drugs. The only thing he told me was that he was feeling guilty for jai killing herself. That's it."

"Why would he think such a thing & than why bring it up now? He knows that we're all trying to grieve but we can't do that if he's saying stupid shit like that." she admit.

"Exactly! I don't want his negative energy to rub off on me, especially not right now. Im pregnant & still healing from the loss of my daughter so the last thing I need to be hearing is that sick shit."

"To add on top of that, he's doing drugs which is way worse & I can't have a drug addict around me."

"We could always distance ourselves from him, it would be for the best."

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