Don't let me go. (Todoroki x oc)

Afterpart 2

"Survival does not mean wellbeing." —Todoroki Shoto

*warning: mention of PTSD and trauma

At this point I'm pretty much just writing whatever comes to mind. If y'all have anymore ideas just lmk lol.

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POV—Hebinoya Ikari

Afterpart 2

Don't let me go.

Ikari.

The voice is taunting, stretched out like a cruel song.

Oh, Little Viper.

I am playing hide or seek. That voice...

Father.

Don't let me go.

I am hidden in the far corner of a dark void, and I know Father is right around the corner. I feel the coldness in his breath, the tobacco in his clothes, the cruelty in his smile— even the glint of his yellow eyes. He is just behind the thin, silver curtain concealing me, and he will rip it away any moment. A crooked hand emerges, white and metal, tearing away my only protection.

The curtain had protected me from the ugly truth: from the straggle of villains that milled around in that bar. The dim lights, the smoky smell of alcohol, the buzzing of the broken refrigerator... all back. All here.

Instantly, my pulse quickens. Why am I here? I left. I escaped. I'm not supposed to be here.

You failed, a voice said. It scratched against my brain, scraping against my scalp. It's all your fault.

No. It's not.

Really? It laughed, and I shuddered at the coarseness in its voice. Look down.

I cannot control my neck as it cranks down, one vertebrae to the next, until I am staring at Bakugou's dead body, battered and bruised. The knives stuck in his arms are still there. His red eyes... blank. No flare of anger. It almost feels wrong; for something that used to be so fierce to be so mellow, so empty. I back away, scrambling from the truth.

No, no, they're alive—

And lined behind his body is Shoto's, just as dead and broken. Red-and-white hair is singed. Half his face is burnt. The other is covered in ice, his skin blue and black. Those eyes, that had burned so bright when he held onto me, are dead. Next to him is Midoriya's body, then Iida's, then Kirishima's—

All dead, all glassy-eyed, all lost and just like Shojiro. Panic rose quickly. All my fault. All my fault.

SHOTO.

My throat is tearing raw. I am falling.

Shoto loses grip of my hand as I plunge, his eyes dead.

SHOTO!

I gasp, sputtering, as my eyes fly open. Cold sweat drips down my back. I push myself up, raking my hands through my hair. My ragged breathing rush in and out.

"Ikari?"

A pair of hands encircle my waist. Shoto stirs, his eyes still half-lidded from sleep.

My eyes dart towards his; just instants ago, they were lifeless and glassy, and to see them sleep-drunk and alive urges me to dive into my arms. And I do, enjoying the mint in his shirt.

"You fell asleep," Shoto says.

"Yeah. I know." I don't even have enough energy to respond with something like, yeah, no shit. But I hold my tongue and stay still, reminding myself that his beating heart is right beside mine.

"Nightmare?"

I take a long breath, hoping that my pounding heart would slow. "Yeah. Yeah."

"It's okay," he says, "you're here. You're safe."

I almost forget that we are in Shoto's dorm room. I rub my eyes up as I sit up, the Japanese screen door before me a mass of sparks and blots of green.

"Ow. My head," I mutter. An aching headache spreads in my skull. I rub it furiously, commanding it to go away, but it is stubborn and refuses to leave.

"I'll get you something to drink," Shoto says, and he stands to get something from the mini fridge in the corner of his room. He cracks open the green tea. "Do you need aspirin?"

"No. I don't need medicine."

He sighs and waits as I take sips. "What did you dream about?" His voice is still hoarse from sleep.

His eyes are too bright to resist. I try to keep my mouth sealed. No one, not even Shoto, should hear about my own problems. I deal with it myself just fine. I am in no need of a therapist.

Still, I find myself breaking open my seal and spilling every last detail to him: the dead bodies, the bar, the inevitable feeling of failure. Shoto listens carefully, nodding once in a while. His ruffled hair sticks up.

"But you don't need to worry about me," I say. Already, I am dismissing the dream as just another figment of my worries, a combination of all the events in the past month. And anyways— so much has changed since we were rescued. We moved into dorms for the safety of the students. I can clearly recall Azani sniffling into a tissue, Alessia gently patting her back, as I pack all my things into a car and drive away.

Some part of me still misses Ami, who had thrown a fit when she heard I was leaving. Those events only occurred a few days ago, and yet I am still subconsciously stuck on the past. Stuck on things that can never change.

"It's my job to worry," he mumbles, as he takes my empty bottle and throws it away. I groan.

"I can take care of myself."

"Sure."

Shoto flops back down to the bed, simultaneously snaring me in with him as well. We lay bundled in the blankets, his right side heating up the covers.

"Don't just pretend nothing happened to you, Ikari."

I grit my teeth, trying my best to not snuggle up beside him.

"I am fine. I survived, didn't I? You saved me."

"Survival does not mean wellbeing."

I pretend that I do not find the truth in his words. I pretend that the guilt in me is not rising up. Even now, I wonder if I am truly fit to be a hero after all the things I had put everyone through. Even All Might lost something because of me.

Then, as if Shoto had read my mind, he pulls me closer. I finally give into the urge and sink into his warm chest.

"It's not your fault."

I press my head into his chest and breathe in.

"Thank you."

Don't let me go.

A few things to clear up:

- I do not support incest. Shojiro and Shoto's comparisons are supposed to be a savior type. Shojiro was the only person in Ikari's life that cared about her, and when she started at UA, it was paralleled with Shoto. If there is any way I can make this clearer, please tell me.
- Sorry for the long hiatus! I promise I'm still alive:) Also sorry for the shorter scene! I promise more is coming!
- I cannot believe that we're at 135k rn. Literally cannot believe it. Like how???
- What do y'all think of the trauma? idk i find it kinda nice ngl. I guess this was just a snippet of what Ikari is facing as of now.
- as always stay safe and stay hydrated!