Looking For You

Chapter 63 - Oath

Chapter 63 - Oath

[Christian’s POV]

Empty. I feel empty now. The echo of the door slamming still rings in my ear. Aimee’s words repeat over and over until I punch the pillows and let out all my anger on this already messed up room. I don’t know what just happened, but I’m guessing Aimee just gave me one last chance. To do what, exactly? Things are getting closer and my mind is still in the day before. I can’t keep up with everything that’s going on lately.

Still standing close to my desk, I rub my face with my palms, messing up my hair as I do so. So many topics were raised in me and Aimee’s conversation, but so little words were spoken. So many more things needed to be said and discussed, right down to the sticky bits. But I’m just not feeling it anymore; not feeling enthusiastic to solve a problem that could cause even worse. I guess I’ve changed and it’s a lazy change.

I turn around, cringing at the tiny pieces of wood from broken furniture scattered on the floor. The only colourful thing that stands out to me is my Rubik’s Cube. I guess I’ve treated it poorly because of how I can’t solve it anymore, but I feel sorry for Aimee because she bought it for me and wanted me to use it. I saw her eyeing it before and saw the hurt look on her face. She was obviously disappointed in me.

But I crouch down and pick it up, laying down on my bed while trying to solve it again. Nothing works, always ending up with only two squares of the same colour matching up beside each other. Every time I see that, it pushes me to try harder. Maybe this is telling me something in life; telling me to keep trying when I get knocked down.

Leading my thoughts to the start of me and Aimee’s chat, I think about how aunt Heather wants me to get back together with Aimee because I still need protection from the either sad or happy life. How am I supposed to know what that means? Why can’t people just talk in simpler terms and tell me the real truth, even if it will hurt me? I’ve been hurt many times and look where I am. But of course she’s right, because she’s basically my guardian.

It also sounded like Aimee still wants to be with me, after she said that I have two weeks to decide if I want to be with her or not. Even though she was mad, I could tell she still feels the same away about me on the inside. Like when I first opened the door and her eyes went wide as hell. I could see her staring at my bare chest with only a pair of boxers on. I don’t know if I still want to be hers, but hearing that she still cares about me from her made my heart melt. I’m still being thought about, even though I’ve hurt her.

Even more evidence she still wants to be with me: when she mentioned Elicia and said that she was apparently acting excited when Aimee told her that we broke up. Jealousy was clearly clouding her mind and I regret leaving her at the party to follow Elicia. Everything that happened after I left would never have happened. I would’ve been dancing with Aimee and letting her enjoy her night instead of nearly getting raped by her supposed “friend”.

I twist one gear on the cube around until it locks in place with an identical green square. Well, at least I’m making progress with a corner filled with three greens. This has suddenly calmed me from destroying more things in my dorm. Before I know it, I won’t be left with anything. What lays on the floor are chips from the edge of the desk, black marks on the wall from the desk chair, basically all my contents from my drawers spilled out everywhere and papers scrunched up. I should really get it cleaned before anyone apart from Aimee sees it. Later, I promise.

Finally giving up, I place the cube down next to me on my bed, covering my heated face with my palms. I bring my feet up to my bottom, my knees in the air as I think deeply. What have I done? What has my life come down to? All this talk about the war and the soldiers is permanently in my mind; it’s never going to leave, even when it’s over. Speaking about the war — I’m actually scared about it. Even though I was ignoring Aimee while she was talking about it, I really want a way out of it. We could easily get on a plane and go to another country. But what, leave our families behind and let them suffer? And what about money? It doesn’t exactly grow on trees. Scrapping the idea before big plans come ahead, I sit up, crossing my legs and resting my chin in my palms, staring down into my lap where the duvet cover lays.