Looking For You

Chapter 34 - Try

Chapter 34 - Try

Being back feels good after not wanting to see my family from the terrible weekend. The college buzz makes me feel alive again, like I belong here. At least I have people to turn to who understand me and will not intrude on my business. But I am excited to see Christian. I haven’t seen him this morning, but there’s a chance I might see him in my upcoming maths class. Butterflies stir inside of me, feeling excited, but also scared about what’s going to happen since Celine is in our same class.

Doing my usual, I stay to the side of the crowd, not wanting to get caught up between football jocks. Today while I was dressing, I nearly forgot to put my cheerleading uniform on, seeing as how long I haven’t had a session for. So right now I wear it with pride, wanting to represent the college as their cheerleading vice captain — even though I’m not really good. I’m on my last string with the squad, missing last Friday’s session. I have two strikes and if I miss one more, I’m out. There goes my reputation of being that quiet, smart girl. I would be known as the dropout of the school’s cheerleading team.

Finally stepping inside maths class, I see Mrs. Barnett sitting at her desk, looking over her rectangular glasses at worksheets we’ve done. I don’t disturb her, knowing that expression she wears while concentrating on important work. Hugging my books closer to my chest, I take one glance at the back and see that Celine and Tiffany aren’t here yet. I sigh in relief, knowing I won’t have to look at them. I stay as far away as possible to the back, leaning towards the front, but not really wanting to go there because of how social statuses work depending on where you sit. So I settle my books down two rows from the back, taking the seat closest to the window.

Conversation starts to build up as students take the seats around me. Like as if I’ve been keeping it clear, the seat next to me hasn’t been taken. Maybe no one likes me. Maybe they know what happened between Christian and I. Or should I say, Christian and Celine. But I don’t mind, as long as Christian sits next to me, I’ll be fine. Speaking of Christian, he steps into the room wearing a black sports jacket with grey shorts, showing his chicken legs that are skinner than mine. He wears his hair up today, stylised with a little bit of gel to keep it up. His face looks fresh, like he’s reenergised and is ready for anything that gets in his way. I smile up to him, knowing that he’ll smile back.

Catching my eyes, he displays a perfect grin, one I hardly see. Walking over to me, I look away, regathering my thoughts, feelings and emotions I once had for this boy a couple of days ago, knowing that they will kick in during today’s session. A heavy feeling comes upon my heart, reminding myself that I still haven’t forgiven him yet. I’m still not sure if I want to, but Christian is desperate for my forgiveness. It’s hard to let go of something so big, yet something so small. It didn’t affect me physically, but the mental impacts are worse.

“Hey.” Christian’s deep voice whispers as he sits down besides me, stretching his legs out beneath the desk. I turn my head to him, nodding my head to return the gesture. Class gets started, ending our connection we had, knowing that it’ll continue later on in the class.

“So I’ve been looking over your worksheets lately and noticed a lot of you aren’t making academic progress. It makes me disappointed that you were willing to take up maths in college and aren’t bothered to do the homework required.” The class goes silent, knowing that Mrs. Barnett isn’t happy by the way her small lips are pouted and how she crosses her arms over her chest while she walks down the aisles of students. I twist my head, keeping my eyes on her. I come across Celine and Tiffany on the other side of the room, not noticing their arrival. I can tell by their faces that Mrs. Barnett is specifically talking to them, amongst many others in the classroom. Hmph, and I know the reason why.