Looking For You

Epilogue

Epilogue

Sunday.

The day of her funeral. The day of everyone's funeral.

Sitting in this wheelchair for a good two hours made me restless, but as I watch the familiar faces I used to walk past everyday carry out the coffins, I sit up straight, letting the tears roll down without a sniff. Heather stands beside me, me being on the outside of the pew towards the end so I'm not in the way. I hear her occasional breath huffing, but I understand how she's feeling. These were her students that she accepted. That she thought would gain a future in her college. But I feel as if her speech told me she didn't try hard enough to protect her people. It was hard for her.

Speaking of speeches, I declined. I couldn't dare myself to start writing about Aimee, because I would need endless pages for just a tiny part of our relationship. It would've been too hard on me. I just sat back and watched the funeral move on, acknowledging every single student that died; James, Ian, Paddy, Anthony, all I knew from my classes, some of my teachers that taught me good stuff, Sherri died too... not that I really liked her as a friend but knowing that I knew some bits and pieces of her is quite threatening to my heart that she died.

The sad music lead the people out, the crowd following the last coffin to exit the mass and move on with their lives. The sea of black is endless, not seeing one bright colour in sight. I too even wear a black suit my aunt had given me when she picked me up from the hospital. Even though it is beautiful, I wore it for such a terrible event.

Heather starts wheeling me out of the church, being a queue to make it out. People stare at me from above, taking in that I am now disabled for a little while before I can start walking properly again. My physiotherapist started to guide me in walking again, through two large rails. I held on as tightly as I could to them, nearly falling every step I took. The sweat told me how hard I wanted to bring my life back, but realised that walking isn't a very easy task after such a major injury. A wheelchair is all I have to wheel me around life until I can fully walk.

The outside world comes into view, seeing the gloomy dark sky illuminate the atmosphere. The churchgoers make small chatter, catching up with friends' parents. I look around, Heather chatting with some students beside me. I nod to some of my mates as they walk past, giving me their condolences for Aimee. That's all I really need right now.

After about twenty minutes, the entrance to the church clears up, and Heather decides to take us back to NHU. Obviously classes won't start until we're all sort of ready, but I sense that to be months and months of recovery and repairs for the damage done to the buildings. My future is on hold for now - hang on, what future do I have now?

Heather is basically babysitting me now; leading me everywhere, taking my wheelchair out and pushing me around. It feels awkward, but it's the only way to go about life. 

The wheels make a squeaky sound as they slide along the hallway floors of NHU, going past old classrooms that have been taped off, a sign saying, "Do Not Enter". I look away, seeing that the library has been blown up completely, remembering all the memories Aimee and I made in there; our first kiss, our study sessions and just our friendly chats. They are totally gone from this world.

"Is this your dorm?" Heather asks me as we make it to the boys' dorm hallways. I shake my head, pointing to the next one where she pushes me for one more meter before opening my dorm that wasn't even locked. It's surprisingly normal in here; nothing has been damaged. I guess I'm sort of lucky, because Aimee's scent still lingers in the room. I don't know what my inside is telling me, but I just tell Heather to lead me to my bedside table, where I open the drawer to retrieve my Rubik's Cube Aimee got for me. This is something special to me, and I will never get rid of it.