Behind the Fame

Coming Home

Sara

It's been a month and I have not heard from her. The last message I got from her was the night before she left for the airport. Gosh I miss her. Eric said to give her space, a time to think and get her self back. I really just miss her.

I wonder what she's doing. Is she thinking of me? Does she miss me? Am I part of who and what she's sorting out right now? All these thoughts drive me crazy!

I sat on my couch and leaned my head back. Memories of our conversation started to linger through my mind.

"Jess... I know this is too soon to ask you but, do you think, This --- I--- We--- Might have a chance?"

"I don't know Sar... I don't know."

"Do you love me?"

"I do but I am not sure which kind it is Sara. I know I love you but I don't know..."

"I understand Jessica. I'm not pressuring you but I just want you to know that I am here. I love you and I will do anything for you."

"Thank you Sara. I appreciate your love for me and I love you... I do. It's just I want to be able to know for sure what kind it is. And Sara.... I don't want to take advantage of you. I don't want to accept you only because I know you ARE there. If this turns out to be a mutual feeling, I want to be able to do the same for you, you know."

I opened my eyes and realized that in that month she was not here, I did not text or call her. I don't want her to think that I just let go and had forgotten about her. I decided to send her a voice message.

Jessica

It's been a month since I arrived in Missouri and I must say, it was great. Good thing I listened to Eric's advise. Being around my family has made me feel loved and has reminded me that I did my best for my husband and son.

My mom and I talked a few days ago and that was the only time I knew that they know who I really am deep inside me.

"What? You guys knew all this time?"

"Jessica, we are your parents. I am your mother. I know you from the inside. Of course I knew."

"Then why didn't you say anything?"

"I felt you were not ready to talk about it. I don't exactly know why. I raised you to know and believe that for anything, you can always run to me. That I will always have your back. But I guess this was something very personal for you and I did not want to approach you first. I wanted to wait until you were ready and I figured when that time came, you'd be the first to open it up."

"I—I was scared of what you guys would think of me. I was not sure if you would even accept me. I grew up with a perfect family full off love. You guys always made sure that you put family first despite your crazy schedule. The least I could do was to be the daughter that was not a disappointment."

"Honey, you never were. You never are. Why would you even think that being who you are would bring disappointment?"

"I don't know."

"Oh honey..."

"I'm sorry Mom. I should have told you guys earlier. Had I done that, this—this would have not happened to me."

"Yeah.. You're kinda right BUT... if there was anything good that came out from this, we have Luke. That beautiful baby you brought to this family. I am beyond happy and thankful that you were given the full custody. I love you baby, you know that right?"