Behind the Fame

Making a Decision

Jessica

It's been a week since I was discharged from the hospital and we're scheduled to both be back on set my Monday. I miss working and I am thankful that we'll finally be back.

Then again, we have not really talked about the baby and I have been anxious to discuss this. We cannot just ignore it like nothing major is happening.

I look at Sara beside me and she is sleeping soundly. It's a good thing that her nausea and vomiting has subsided. I looked at the clock on her bedside table and it read 6:00AM.

I decided to stand up and take a shower before heading down to cook breakfast. An hour later, I was done making Sara's favorite waffle and prepared the table for us to eat. I knew she was awake as I heard the shower come on and off. Yeah, she did not close the doors to the bedroom and bathroom.

"Honey! Breakfast is ready!" I shouted to her as I poured coffee for me and milk for her.

"Coming!" She called back out and a few seconds after, she was not sitting on the chair across mine.

"Hey.. Good morning Honey." I leaned over for a kiss.

"Good morning my Life. I love you and thank you for breakfast. But oh... still no coffee for me? It's killing me." She said as she placed her hand on my face and caressed it with her thumb. God, I miss this feeling! I miss her touch!

"I love you too and no need to thank me. Just enjoy your food and I'm happy."

"Okay let's eat then."

"We have an appointment with the OB for your ultrasound tomorrow. You want to know the gender?"

"Yeah sure. Whatever." Sara said bluntly and continued to eat her waffles.

'Sara..." I said, looking at her, almost frustrated.

"I'm fine. If you want to know then that's fine by me."

"It's really not just about the baby's gender. You know that we'd have to talk about this sooner than later, right?" I know this is a difficult topic to discuss but we can't just ignore it. This is another human life we're talking about. And not just a random baby but it's our baby.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I know it's hard, Sara. But this is our reality now. This baby is now part of our lives, whether we want it or not. Whether we planned this or not. Regardless of how this baby came into our lives. This baby is now part of this family. Our family."

"It's... It does not feel right having IT." She said, rolling her eyes.

"The baby, Sara.. Not 'it'. Don't refer to the baby like it's just an object." I said with force as I put my fork down, and crossed my arms, obviously upset.

"It feels like JUST an object to me that's invading my body. Invading my life. Our lives!" Sara said as she threw her hands up in the air, really frustrated with this discussion.

"Let's just eat and we'll talk about this later, okay? We have the whole day to talk about it before we head to the OB tomorrow and decide what to do. Come to me when you're ready but I want this discussion done and over with today. Please."

"Okay, I'm sorry."

Sara

"Just stop saying sorry Sara and get over it. Again, I am not discounting how you feel with what happened to you. That's something and I wouldn't really know the extent of how difficult it is as I've never really experienced that but I know it's hard. I know it's traumatizing. But setting everything aside, this baby did nothing wrong. This baby is just as much as a victim as you are. The baby did not ask for this to happen to you let alone to him or herself. Who would ever want to be a product of the R word? But you... You have the capacity to make this baby feel like a decent human being. Just like how you did with Sofia. What makes this baby different? Because this baby is round number 2? Is it the baby's fault? Is it yours? No and no." Jessica sighed and continued, "Look, we're both upset and you definitely are not thinking clearly. Like I said, take your time to clear your head and come to me when you want to talk. But again, this ends today."