Sinners and Saints

Chapter 14

Chuck and Nate had left to go back home to get ready for Bart and Lily's rehearsal dinner for their wedding at the Palace Hotel. 

I get up to leave but Serena and Blair both stop me from going. 

"Look, London, all's forgiven between us. I..I need you in my life. Despite everything that happened you still have a really great heart and are a really good friend." Serena says. 

 I look up in surprise at her confession. 

I was about to speak when Blair starts to say some stuff too "She's right. At this point we have all screwed up. We are humans and friends, best friends in fact. We love you and we need you....and we are sorry we weren't there for you when you were going through everything with Carter." 

"The Carter thing was never y'alls fault. I thought I could handle it alone and it seemed like I would be able to but Chuck and Nate found out when Carter was bragging about bedding me in the locker room. They confronted me and they guessed that something was off so I confessed that I thought I was pregnant with his child." I start. 

Serena squeezes my hand in encouragement so I continue explaining everything that went down a little over a year ago.

 "We had had issues in our relationship for a while but I thought..if, if I would sleep with him..give him my virginity, that intimacy, then all of our problems would magically go away. God I was such an idiot! We ended things a couple of weeks later. Then... I missed a period so I got really concerned. I took a test and convinced Carter to meet me at Tea's to let him know. He, he was pretty upset, naturally. But he didn't even let me consider my options. He immediately mentioned getting an abortion even offered to pay for it. After a few days I decided that would be best. I was in no way ready to be a mother. I scheduled the appointment and he said he would be there...he never showed." I say with tears streaming down my eyes. 

Blair pulls me into a hug. 

"Why didn't you tell us? You seemed so normal at school. I would have never guessed." 

"I didn't know how to and I was so ashamed." I say as I continue to cry. 

Serena joins in the hug and speaks up "I'm so sorry. I was never there for you or Blair." 

"It's fine. I'm fine now. I just try to avoid Carter at all costs." I tell them truthfully.

 "You are so brave. We love you." Blair says. 

A huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders by finally reuniting with my friends and letting them in on what happened a year ago. 

All of my skeletons were out of my closet and I felt..free. 

Blair looks down as if she was ashamed of something too. 

She then speaks up confirming my thought, "I was a bitch to you. I slept with Chuck knowing you liked him. I'm sorry about that."

 I turn to look at Serena and say "Yeah, Serena you told me you wouldn't tell anyone." 

"She didn't have to tell me it was quite obvious. I overheard you and Chuck talking at the ball about Carter finding out about Nate and you. I..I was so mad at you and when you didn't show at Victorla and Chuck said you were with Nate I just acted without thinking. I thought it would be payback for what you did but I regret it so much and not just because of the pregnancy scare. I just hope I haven't ruined your friendship with Chuck. " Blair confesses. 

"Blair, it was a bitch move. A big bitch move but like you said we've all fucked up and I want to move past this.. All of this. Which means us three becoming friends again and Chuck and I.. well, we will be friends again too."