Except the Unexpected

Chapter 30

*THIS WHOLE CHAPTER COULD BE A TRIGGER WARNING: anxiety, depression, suicidal, mental health, overdose*

Dixies POV: Acting like your happy when you aren't is probably the hardest thing to do. You have to show people that nothing is wrong, everything is going perfectly. I've had a past with mental health, I've struggled with it, and I got it under control but now it got worse again. Suicidal thoughts run through my mind. Would the world be a better place if I wasn't here? Would I make everyone happy if I wasn't here anymore? If I was no longer here I wouldn't have to deal with the hate, the millions of comments I get every single fucking day, telling me how bad of a person I am, how ugly and skinny I am. I get death threats every day. Nobody should have to live that way, no one deserves too.

Everyone says that I have the perfect life, I have a boyfriend, friends and family, over 30 million followers on TikTok, a roof over my head and plenty of food and water. All of those are great but if I'm being completely honest, I'm not happy. You may ask why and I don't know, I'm just not. When it comes to my mental health, I tend to keep everything to my self. It's very hard for me to open up to other people even if I trust them. I keep all my emotions inside me. I wouldn't say it's a good thing but I have to put on a act that I'm perfectly fine so Noah especially won't ask me questions. If someone were to ask me questions I'm pretty sure I'll have a mental breakdown and start crying.

All what I want is to be alone. I'm pretty sure I've been avoiding almost everyone in my life right now. I've been completely off social media for longer then a week. Noah has been texting and calling me non stop. I told him that I'm sick, he has come to my front door and I would just ignore it. I feel bad but I look like I got hit by a bus. I don't know how to tell him, he hasn't really delt with mental health. He knows some of it that I've delt with in the past. But there is a lot more I keep to myself. Again I keep everything built up inside me.

I know I need professional help but I don't want to admit it to someone. I'm just scared that they are going to send me to the hospital again, and become a guinea pig. I've been there and done that, and do not want to experience it again. You have no idea how many tests, scans, and  doctors I've had to have. It's tiring. I don't think I could mentally handle it, so I just sit in my room 24 hours a day hardly eating anything just wanting to die.

I've come to the terms that I need to tel Noah. He is my rock, he deserves to know I've already probably put him through enough shit the past 2 weeks just by ignoring him. I feel bad I really do but I'm just all over the place. I'm not surprised if he breaks up with me, I probably deserve it. I am stubborn though, I'm not calling him I'll leave my front door unlocked he can just walk in. He comes to my house every single day multiple times a day. I'm sure he'll come today. Or at least I hope so.

Noah's POV: I am loosing my mind. The love of my fucking life is ignoring me, I'm scared I did something wrong. What if I did. She doesn't answer her door, doesn't go to school, all what I got was a text from her saying that she is sick. I don't know what to do. Her blinds are always closed in her window so I can't see what she is doing in her room. I feel like a horrible boyfriend. I'm still going over there, without Dixie I don't know what I would do with my life. I go to Dixies front door, I've been sad lately, I haven't heard her voice, seen her beautiful face in a long time. I open the front door thinking it's locked. That's weird it's hasn't been Un locked since before we left to the Bahamas. This is a good thing though.

I walk up stairs to her bedroom door and knock on the door. "Dixie? Are you there" I say behind the door just above a whisper. Nobody answered. I open the door and my face just went blank. Dixie is there on her bed passed out, pills spilled all over the floor, garbage and clothes everywhere. I quickly run over to Dixie. I think that she just fell asleep. I didn't say anything, I think I was in so much shock. You have no idea how mad I am at myself for letting this happen, I'm supposed to protect her, I failed as a boyfriend. I see Dixie is starting to wake up. "Dixie, babe are you okay? What happened?" I asked her I was so worried. Dixies voice sounded different She said to me "I was sick so I was sleeping" she was looking down. I could tell she was disappointed in herself she wouldn't even look me in the eyes. "Dixie when you sick you go to a doctor to see what's wrong, I thought you died or something. How could I not think that there is pills all over the place" I say to her, I was honestly so frustrated I could've helped her or at least try to.

Dixie starts crying again. Now I feel like an even worse boyfriend I made her cry. "Dix I'm taking you to the hospital I need to make sure your okay, I don't know what you did with those pills but I need you in my life I can't loose you" tears start to form in my eyes as I'm telling her this. "NO NO NO please Noah not the hospital I can't they are going to make me stay there because they think I'm crazy, I'm not crazy I know I'm not crazy. Im a ugly price of shit that's what I am. I mean fuck the whole internet thinks it too. I lied to you I'm not actually sick I want to die, I don't want to be here anymore I can't handle it. I love you with all my heart but I'm not a good enough girlfriend, you don't deserve to put up with me." Dixie tells me through her sobs. I was full on crying too now. Hearing those words come out of her mouth shattered my heart into a million pieces.

"Dixie, I need you, you can talk to me, I will help you get the help that you need. I can't loose you because I don't know what I would do with myself. Please don't kill yourself, if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for me. Please, I need you to tell me what's going through your mind, this isn't a healthy way to live" I tell her. I am so scared for my life right now that I am going to loose my best friend, my girlfriend, my world and the love of my life. "Noah I know I need professional help I'm just scared. I said it, what if they think I'm crazy, I've done it before and I was in the hospital for months I don't want to go through that again. I can't do this whole social media thing." Dixie tells me.

I tell her "then take a break from social media, focus on yourself I will take a break too, to help you and to be there for you" we were both crying. It went silent. Dixie spoke up and said "you would do that for me?" Is this girl actually that crazy I would do anything for her. I answered Dixie and said " Dix I would die for you right now, of course I would, all what I want is for you to be happy, your my baby and I love you more then you will ever know" Dixie ran into my arms and wrapped her legs around my torso. "I love you too Noah thank you for sticking by me" Dixie said. I kissed her. Gosh I missed her so much. I know we will be able to work this through, we will get her the help she needs. I'm actually happy to take a break off of social media it can be very overwhelming.

Authors note: Hope you enjoyed! Thank you to the person who suggested I included more mental health factors to the story. I tried my best! Please let me know any more ideas you want me to include in the story!

Word count: 1502