Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Chapter 21: Euphoria

I woke up in a dark room. Tumingin ako sa kaliwa ko at tumambad sa akin ang mukha ni Ken. Para siyang nananaginip ng masama, kaya nilapat ko ang kamay ko sa pisngi niya. Naging maaliwalas naman ang mukha niya, at niyakap niya ako papalapit.

Inayos ko ang higa ko at humarap sa kanya. I traced the lines of his face, na para bang kinakabisado ko ito. He sparkles in the moonlight. I don't want this to end.

"Okay lang naman na titigan mo ako, pero sana wag kang malulungkot kapag bigla akong natunaw," sambit niya sabay ngumiti sa akin.

Ramdam ko na namula ang buong mukha ko kaya dali dali akong tumalikod sa kanya at nagtalukbong ng kumot. Narinig ko ang tawa.

"Baby girl wag ka ng magtago. Nakita ko na. Maputi ka kaya halata."

Hindi ako kumibo, pero naramdaman ko for the first time ang konting saya na idinudulot ng lalaking ito sa akin.

"Ayoko. Alis ka na," I said, coldly. Ayoko ipahalata sa kanya dahil feeling ko wala akong karapatang maging masaya lalo na madami akong kasalanan.

Naramdaman kong nawala siya sa tabi ko. Sumilip ako ng konti, at nanlaki ang mata ko sa ginawa niya.

He snatched off the blanket so fucking easily. I tried to resist, pero wala talaga akong energy. He proceeded to pinned me down, and kiss me.

"Are you mad?" tanong ko habang nakangiti.

"Yes. I fucking miss you and you don't even let me see your face," sagot naman niya na parang naiinis.

I laughed. He let go of my arms, pero he is still on top of me.

"Anong tinatawa-tawa mo—"

Hindi na siya nakaimik pa dahil hinalikan ko siya. He smiled as I caressed his cheeks.

"You don't look well, why?"

Hindi siya nakaimik. Tumabi siya muli sa akin, inilagay ang mukha niya sa leeg ko at niyakap ako ng mahigpit. I fell silent. The way he acted now, is the answer.

Dahil sa'yo. Dahil pinagalala mo ako.

Dahil mahal na mahal kita.

After a few minutes, I tried to break away from him, pero hindi ako makagalaw. Nakatulog na siya agad. I let his face be buried onto my neck kahit nakakakiliti, and I stayed still until I drifted to sleep, too.

We stayed all day sa kwarto ko. Syempre, medyo judgmental pa si Kou, pero pinagtakpan niya kami kay Kuya at Dad para kahit isa sa kanila, hindi basta makapasok sa kwarto.

We mostly watched horror movies, at nakakatawa dahil hindi man lang siya bumitaw sa pagkakayakap sa akin.

"You know that I won't run away, right?" pabiro kong sabi sa kanya.

He paused the movie. "I'm sorry."

Para akong nakonsensya. Iimik palang ako pero napatigil ako dahil sa sunod niyang sinabi.

"I don't want to lose you, and every time I glances over you, feeling ko mawawala ka. Kaya I hugged you all the time. I have this feeling na you will slip away from my grip, and I will lose you, again."

Fuck.

I kissed him, passionately. Hindi ko akalain na kaya niyang magpakita ng ganoong emosyon, lalo na sa akin. I thought he didn't care. Akala ko ako lang.

I poured all my emotions onto his mouth as I straddled him. I kissed him like there is no tomorrow. I kissed him like my life depended on it. This is—

"Tokyo?!"

We came back to our senses nung narinig ko ang boses ng Kuya ko. Hinila ako palayo ni Kuya, at sinuntok niya si Ken.

"Anong ginagawa mo, Jackson?!"

Napatigil ako sa narinig ko. "Jackson? Si Ken yan, Chiba," pasigaw kong sabi. Lumapit agad ako kay Ken at sinamaan ng tingin si Kuya. "What the fuck Kuya? Anong ginagawa mo?"

He covered his face, na parang nahiya sa ginawa niya. "Fuck, sorry."

He immediately left my room, at nagkatinginan naman kami ni Ken. May sasabihin pa sana siya pero inilapit ko agad ang mukha ko at hinalikan siya.

"I'll be back, baby," sabi ko and left him dumfounded.

"Kuya, can we talk?"

Nagulat naman si Kuya at napatingin sa akin. "Sure, come in."

Ngayon lang ulit ako nakapasok sa kwarto/study niya. There is a huge book case sa likod ng table and chair niya, and nabasa na niya lahat dahil gusto niyang maging karapat-dapat na tagapagmana ni Dad. It's a simple design at sa corner ng room niya iniligay ang bed niya. He designed his room like this dahil hindi siya allowed gamitin yung isang room sabi ni Dad. He did his room so well, at halos tambay ako dito before Jackson happened.

"Why did you act that way?" tanong ko sa kanya, habang lumalakad lakad around his room.

"Well, because you are my—"

"Nah, don't give me that bullshit. You called him Jackson." sabi ko. I sat on his couch, at humarap sa kanya. "So fucking tell me, Chiba, what the fuck happened?"

"We saw what Jackson did to you."

"I know. And?" sabi ko habang naguguluhan.

He sighed. He picked up the phone and dialed a number. The other line must have picked up kasi he said "It's time."

Magsasalita na sana ako pero napatigil ako dahil biglang nagbukas ang pinto at tumambad sa amin ang hingal na hingal kong ama.

He closed the door, and leaned against it.

"So, as I said, we saw it. We literally saw it, and we did not do anything."

"Jackson's father used his son to blackmail us. And then we let it happen. We let Jackson. We chose to save the business instead of saving you," sabi ni Dad habang lumuluhod sa harapan ko. "I'm sorry, anak."

I closed my eyes and let my tears flow freely.

I closed my eyes as I let them kill my soul over and over again.