Now All That's Left is Dust

Epilogue

Epilogue

Perhaps this is how terrible, tragic and regretful my relationship with Nathaniel was meant to be. We were supposed to shatter our hearts in one other's hands because we needed to see what love was all about. We parted ways because staying in one other's life would have caused us more agony than leaving—a severe reality check and wake-up call sorely needed, no matter how heartbreaking.

Pero hindi ko alam kung pagsisihan o ikatutuwa ko ba ang pang-Mang Inasal kong iyon kay Nathaniel? Higit pa sa pa-unlimited rice ng Mang Inasal ang ginawa namin na pagod na pagod na ako pagkatapos.

Gusto kong bumangon. I am badly missing my daughter Amelia. Pero kahit anong gawing sigaw ng utak ko na bumangon na, hindi sumasabay ang katawan ko. My every attempt will always just lead to nothing. It's futile! I'm helpless! Mukhang bukas nang umaga pa ako magigising.

The fact that Nathaniel's arm felt so warm and comfortable added to it. Pareho naming ayaw nang lumayo, pareho ayaw bitiwan ang isa't isa.

Hindi ako nagkamali sa iniisip ko na umaga na akong nagising. Kung hindi pa ako ginising ng mga nakakaliting balahibo ni Nathaniel sa kanyang mukha, hindi ako magigising.

Nasanay na akong walang gumagawa sa akin ng bagay na iyon. Nakalimutan ko ang presensya niya sa buhay ko dahil sa sarap ng tulog ko kaya nasampal ko siya nang hindi sinasadya. Kung hindi ko siya narinig na dumaing, hindi ako magmumulat.

"What the? Nasampal ba kita?" nag-aalala kong tanong sa kanya na sinagot niya pag-iling-iling.

He's on top of me, towering over me with his half-naked body.

I was about to act guilty, but when I saw his handsome disappointed expression, I had a sudden change of heart. Natatawa na kinulong ko ng mga palad ang mukha niya at hinalikan siya nang mabilisan sa labi.

"Sorry. Nakalimutan kong kasama at katabi pala kita."

The thought was so funny that I could not stop laughing.

"Ang bilis mo namang makalimot." malambing niyang saad. "Signs of aging, hon?"

Ang malambot kong tingin biglang naging magaspang. "Bastos ka. Hindi pa ako matanda."

Natawa siya nang sobrang aliw sa itinuran ko. "Hon, I didn't even say that you're old."

"Sinabi mo kaya. Sabi mo signs of aging. That was just a nice way of saying na matanda na ako."

"No. You just assumed that I did. You didn't even look and taste old, to begin with."

Kumurap ako sa isang salita na narinig. "Taste?"

"Yeah." he nodded, licking his delicious lower lips. "Taste."

Tumawa ako at hinampas siya nang mahina sa balikat.

"God! Ang sarap talagang magpabastos sa'yo."

He roared with laughter. It's beautiful to talk and laugh with him in this way. This euphoric feeling of falling is nostalgic, this wonderful feeling of being able to learn from your mistakes and regrets.

How can I not see that this is exactly what I wanted in our relationship —to be able to communicate openly with him? Kung may hindi nagustuhan, sabihin ng harapan, hindi dinadaan sa paglalayas. Dati-rati naalala ko na kapag may hindi kami pagkakaintindihan noon, kung hindi si Nathaniel ang pinapalayas ko, ako ang lumalayas.

It's a shame that it took me so long to realize that relationships require compromise and sacrifice. It's not always as simple as it appears. It's not all rainbows and peaches. Our needs, feelings, and desires are important. You should respect them for your own sake. Meet them for the sake of your partner. Hindi iyong feelings mo lang ang dapat intindihin dahil hindi lang naman ikaw ang may pakiramdam. Men have feelings, too. Hindi pwedeng palagi na sila ang nag-aadjust sa atin.