My soldier in Neverland (Jack Barakat)

Chapter 13

It has been a few days since I have talked to Jack, Im still in the hospital but they will release me if I pass my concussion test today. Also if I pass this test I have decided to go ahead with experimental chemo treatments the next week. The doctor walks into my room which is empty of guests which I have had a lot of including John. He thought the whole thing was his fault so he bought me a flipin huge teddy bear and lots of chocolate, don't worry we talked it through and he said that he felt bad for taking my virginity, it was kinda awkward. The nurse walks in behind him with a wheel chair for me to sit in because of my broken legs. The nurse lifts me up and puts me into the chair. I look up at the male nurse with pouty eyes.

"Can I please wheel it my self?" I ask the nurse.

"Sorry we have to push you its the rules." I says with a comforting face.

"But my arms are not the things that are broken." He takes my chart and skims through it.

"No but you did seperate your shoulder so it is probably best if we dont risk hurting it more." He says with a winning smile.

"Fine." I huff and cross my arms noticing a small pain that I didn't before. He rolls me to the room that the doctor held open for him. Then the doctor performs the tests. 

"Well you have past with flying colors." He says with a yellow tooth smile.

"Really, I get to go home?!" I say with the biggest smile that I have pulled off while in the hospital.

"Yes," he starts to skim my chart like that nuse did."But you need to see your therapist first." He tells me.

"What? Please can you just sign me out of the hospital please?" I don't even try to do the puppy dog eyes because I know that the answer is no.

"No, you need to talk through some things." He says opening the door for the nurse to come wheel me out.

"But you told me that I just had to pass a concussion test and I could go!" I try to yell at him.

"Yes that was my rule but this was sent to me today from your doctor. Now do you want to take a nap before he comes?" He asks.

"No can he come right away?" I wonder if I can just get this over with and go home to my bed.

"Yes, I will call him." He says leaving the door way sot the nurse can wheel me back to my room. When we get there he lifts me up to my lumpy bed and wheels the wheel chair out with him. Good now I have a little time to think about how I am going to talk to my doctor.

When he gets there he sits in the visiters chair and pulls a note pad out of his shoulder bag.

"Why did you do it?" He asks.

"Well I will be honest and not beat around the bush because I have been cooped up in here for at least a week. Why did I do it you ask? Well I fell back into depression."I say looking into his veiny stressed out eyes.

"So you admit that you are depressed?" He asks kinda shocked at my complete honesty.

"Yes." I say staring at the ceiling.

"Why do you think this is?" He asks.

"Because of me and you." I feel like I just ripped the scab off of the situation.

"What do you mean me?" He sounds a little hurt.

"That program that you made me go on. To this day I don't understan why you made me do it. You know that I get attached to people that I meet." I tell him.

"Well it was chance that I took, and thank you for telling me that I was wrong." He says with the plain voice that I know and hated.

"Arn't you going to ask me why it was my fault?" I look at him like he skipped a beat.

"Yes... yes go on." He says stuttering.

"I got attached, my cancer was my fault, and I hurt the people that I love the most. So I wanted to end it." I tell him the facts as my eyes dry up.

"I can understand that you could get attached to someone, that is my fault. What I am wondering is how was cancer your fault?" He asks as though we haven't discussed it before.

"Well like we have said before it was my mind that made the decision on giving me cancer, I have taken things that I don't deserve, and I have made the decision to take those treatments even though someone else that needed it more could have had them." I say going through the list.

"Okay lets fo through this step by step. First you could not have known about what your body was doing and you couldn't contorl it. Second I am asuming that by taking things you don't deserve you mean your parents money, Your parents are rich correct me if I am wrong but they don't care about the money. Third the people that needed the treatment more than you were way past the stage of getting better using those treatments." I nod when he emphasises something so he thinks that I agree with him.

"Okay, I will leave you to think about the last reason, just make a mental list and think of how hurt and sad they would have been to know that you killed yourself." The last part made shivers go through my body because everyone usually tiptoed around the subject and didn't just come out and say it.

"I have one more question for you and then our time is up." Thank god. "Do you remeber anything?" He asks I have been asked this question millions of times.

"Yes, I remeber hiting my head and my legs getting crunched up in the metal and also the seatbelt..." He cuts me off.

"No I didn't mean that I meant after you died. Do you remeber anything after the pain." When he says that I see an image of the ground and the car reck from a sky view.

"Yes." I say.

"Okay thats all that I wanted to know. Now keep that in your mind" He says pointing to his temple. "You died. You regret a lot of things that you have done in your life. Now here is the interesting part this is your chance to change that, no more depression crap that was the person that died. You will feel that floaty view that made you fell safe once again but now is not the time. Do you understand?" He asks.

"Kinda." I say after he rambled on about it even though I got the point in the fist sentence.

"Okay well our time is up, see you soon." He says packing things in his shoulder bag and walking out.