forest || minsung

27

TW: suicidal thoughts. (Idk if this is necessary considering the nice warning I already put in the description, let me know)

jisung didn't say anything.

minho knew he would need a few seconds, but it was too long. maybe he would give a response soon, but he couldn't stand waiting for another second. his silence was deafening.

slowly, panic caught the best of him.

minho stepped back and quickly slid the bracelets back in place. he was nodding frantically as he murmured 'it's okay, it's okay.'

no, it's not.

he blew out a breath and turned on his heels, walking off.

leaving jisung. who didn't stop him, telling him to stay. it was clear now.

they kissed. fuck, they finally kissed and it was so good. he had not felt that good for a very long time. and he ruined it.

he had to tell him. he couldn't hide it from him any longer, not when they were getting that close.

just imagine, them getting together, and after a while jisung finds him dead. no, he couldn't keep it a secret.

if he was okay with it.. maybe it could work. he knew exactly what getting together would mean for him. his happiness would depend solely on jisung, and that was not what he wanted. but minho was never one for rationality. his heart always won.

but jisung wasn't okay with it. that much was clear.

he paled when he saw the scar and put the pieces together. minho wondered what went on his mind, what his exact thoughts were.

he must've thought he was crazy, or how he could ever fall for someone so messed up that they would rather slit their wrists than face the world.

he didn't remember the walk home, but his feet brought him there nonetheless. he closed the door of his house behind him and looked around. what now?

his dad was still out of town, he was safe from his worry.

there was nothing for him here.

he paced around the room.

there was nothing for him here.

no one cared.

a lie. people did care. but was it enough? would they be okay if he let go? they would recover. they had to.

his dad outlived his mother.

jisung outlived his parents.

chan...

his hurt face flashes through his mind. chan, who was so strong. would he be fine?

there was nothing for him here.

minho yelled in frustration.

he slid to the floor against the wall, cursing himself for being so undeniably weak.

he didn't have the courage to hurt himself that badly anymore, not when he woke up in the hospital once, alive.

but now, who was here to find him? his dad wasn't expected home until a few days. his friends wouldn't notice his absence until it was too late.

there is nothing for you here.

he could locate every knife and razor in the house. he checked their spots every morning, to make sure they were still there. the same applied to the pills his dad once used, waiting for him in a bathroom cabinet.

it would all be over. he would see his mother again. he would be free.

he almost got up.

almost.

instead, he grabbed his phone. a missed call from both jisung and chan. he wondered what that meant. what did jisung call for? he couldn't talk to him, not now.

his shaking hands called chan back instead. given the missed call, he probably already knew what happened.

'minho, hey. i heard what happened with jisung, you alright?' he sounded worried and out of breath.

'can you come over?' he asked quietly.

'already on my way.'

minho ended the call. despite everything, he really tried. he clung to the words that everything would get better, even if he didn't fully believe them himself.

rapid knocks on the door interrupted his thoughts as they blurred into each other. chan wasn't kidding when he said he was already on his way.

he got up and opened the door for him. there was his friend, breathing heavily, with a frown on his face.

'hey. are you okay?' chan closed the door behind him.

minho looked sideways and shook his head. he didn't trust himself to say a word, afraid his voice would break.

chan put his hand on his shoulder and guided him to the living room, where they sat on the couch.

'jisung told me what happened,' chan said quietly. his voice was laced with annoyance, but he paid it no mind.

'i don't want to talk about him,' minho replied. hearing his name felt like a knife through his stomach.

chan nodded.

'i'm so tired.'

his friend wrapped his arms around him, and he sunk right into them.

'i almost... i almost gave up, chan. i'm so sorry,' he whispered.

he felt chan freeze for a brief moment. he sighed. 'it's okay. you're still here. i'm here.'

after a long while, his racing mind calmed.

minho fell asleep, only to find himself in a nightmare. this time, he heard jisung whispering his name. it echoed through the forest, followed by a giggle.

'you're sick,' jisung whispered.

minho flinched.