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'Hyung why the fuck are you limping?' Hyunjin asked loudly as Minho approached their table.

'I .. fell.'

'You fell?'

'Yes.'

'It's true, I pushed him,' Jisung chimed in, grinning.

Minho sent him a death glare as he sat down.

It was silent for a moment, until Felix gasped, eyes darting between the two of them. Unlike their friends, he had figured it out already. Before he could say anything, Jisung jumped up and dragged the blonde away by his ear, leaving the others in confusion.

It must've hurt, but Felix barely paid it any attention as he gaped at the other. 'You topped?!'

'Ssh!' Jisung scanned the area, but no one seemed to be listening in.

'Sorry!' Felix whisper-yelled. 'You topped?! I thought you'd be a bottom!'

'I'm a switch, clotpole.' He saw Minho looking at the two of them curiously from the table. He winked back

'Did you just say cl-'

'And I think he might be too.'

Felix didn't skip a beat. 'Can I be the one who pushed you next time then?'

Jisung didn't satisfy him with an answer. 'Don't tell the others,' he warned, dangerously waving around his index finger before walking back to their friends.

The Australian giggled and ran after him. A few minutes and some whispering later Changbin pressed some money into Felix' hand. Jisung watched them with narrowed eyes, but didn't say anything.

The rest of the week was spent watching Minho train a lot. The audition was soon, and he said he still had a lot to perfect. The dance already looked flawless to Jisung, though. Not that he knew a lot about dancing, but still.

And he also looked really fucking hot when he danced.

Jisung was working on an essay in the dance studio when Minho collapsed on the floor. He didn't seem to be hurt, just done with life.

'You good there?'

He groaned. 'My body won't cooperate.'

'Have you been sleeping enough?'

The boy on the floor shook his head.

Jisung frowned. 'Why not?'

'Nightmares,' Minho yawned.

He nodded in understanding. He had already been expecting this answer. 'Alright. You're staying over at my place tonight. You need sleep.'

He hesitated. 'Are you sure? I don't want to be a bother.'

'You're not. And otherwise I'll be a bother at your place,' he smiled widely, proud of his solution.

He pulled Minho up from the ground and gently kissed him.

'Now, work on your audition.' He restarted the music, but the other didn't move a muscle.

Jisung cocked his head and searched for clues as to how the other was feeling. Minho was looking ahead of him.

He seemed down.

'Min?'

His gaze moved to him. He wasn't sure what he saw in his eyes, but it was nothing positive. Insecurity, anxiety, maybe.

He didn't want to ask him if he was okay. It was rather clear to him that something was wrong. He was just never able to determine what it was.

'How are you feeling?'

'I.. I'm scared. And nervous. I don't think I can do this.'

Jisung frowned. 'Of course you can. I've seen you dance, you're amazing.'

'No.. That's the thing, I'm not. I'm not amazing, I suck.'

He shot him an incredulous look. 'Are you serious?'

Silence.

'They approached you in the first place, didn't they? You said I danced good as well, but they didn't ask me to audition. They must have asked you for a reason.'

He stared at the ground. 'Yeah, okay. I just .. have to practice more.'

Jisung sighed in relief, glad that he got through to him. He smiled. 'Yeah, but we are going home first. You look like you're about to fall over.'

Minho nodded to himself, as if he only just realised that he was exhausted. 'Alright,' he mumbled.

Jisung wrapped his arms around him in a hug. The older's hands were on his chest, clutching the fabric tightly and burying his head in his shoulder.

He kissed his forehead. 'It'll be okay. Everything will be fine,' he muttered.

That evening Minho was asleep, and Jisung was scrolling through his phone for the hundredth time out of boredom. He looked at his camera roll, finding a few cute pictures of them together. He zoomed in on Minho doing a peace sign, noticing the bracelets on his wrists again.

He never dared to let his mind wonder to that. He didn't even want to imagine what it would be like to find him dead.
He wasn't sure who found Minho when it happened. His dad, maybe. Or Chan. He wondered what had gone through their head when they saw his body in a pool of blood.

Jisung pushed the image aside. He didn't even know in what state Minho was found. The picture of his skin, pale, in contrast to the thick crimson liquid was something he had created for himself. It wasn't real. It wasn't real.

Nevertheless, a tear silently rolled over his cheek.

How big was the chance that it would become reality? He couldn't tell how close his boyfriend was to the abyss, how close he was to losing him. He didn't have any experience with suicide, how could he know? He didn't want to ask Chan how Minho had behaved the period just before he slit his wrist, not wanting to bring him back to that dark time.

No, he couldn't ask. He couldn't make him relive that. He could only be there for Minho, and help him in any way possible. The rest wasn't up to him.

He planted soft kisses all over his face, careful not to wake him up. Minho was a nervous wreck for the audition, even if he had no reason to be. Jisung was absolutely sure he would get into the company.
 

  
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I started with this over a year ago
By now I'm around 40k words in, wild.

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