forest || minsung

45

the clock ticked slowly, steadily, across the seconds, minutes, hours of the day. the sound occupied the space within his skull for eternity.

that was, until his phone buzzed. a text from Jisung, saying he was running late. minho knew that. he was supposed to be there ten minutes ago.

it was safe to say that his midnight trip to the forest had not got him anywhere. it hadn't improved or worsened his state for longer than that moment, and he didn't necessarily feel like reliving it. knowing that the experience had made no difference whatsoever made it sound dull, even if he had been beyond terrified sitting on the cold surface of the woods.

but he had been feeling difference since then. worse. he felt sad and insecure, because Jisung didn't trust him. it was fair, as there was no reason to trust him when his condition only seemed to get worse. but he was still alive, and it hurt.

it hurt so much.

a voice in the back of his mind whispered to him that Jisung didn't love him, and never had. he was just a project to him, an interesting experiment, a person to fix.

what was love without trust, after all? he didn't know the answer to that.

it didn't matter. he told himself over and over again that Jisung did love him. even though they had never said it to each other out loud, their love was evident between them, right? or maybe minho's own love for his boyfriend blinded him, and he only saw what he wanted to see.

no, that couldn't be true. it couldn't be it couldn't be it couldn't be it couldn't be it couldn't be it could be true.

shut up.

his phone buzzed.

hyunjin
Are you going to practice
Felix cancelled

minho blinked. he was exhausted and would rather die than move. though, he would rather die than do a lot of things. felix cancelling on hyunjin explained why he would contact him in the first place. hyunjin hated going alone.

he would lie if he said that he did not want to dance. but minho hadn't had physical exercise in weeks and wasn't sure if he could get his heavy heavy limbs to do anything.

not to mention that he hadn't been eating and would likely collapse before he made it to the studio.

hyunjin

no sorry

Why not?
The others were asking about you the other day

i can't get out of bed

???

he stared at the question marks on his screen, before turning off his phone. he was so tired of lying to everyone, and honestly, he didn't care much for hyunjin's opinion anyways. he couldn't even think of going to school right now, so he wouldn't get shit for it either.

he stared at the ceiling until he heard fumbling at the front door. he had texted Jisung where the spare key was so he didn't have to climb the stairs to open the door for him. though knowing the other, he would probably be forced to get up anyway.

Jisung was wearing a smile on his face, but his expression fell ever so slightly when he came into minho's room and took in the mess. he quickly caught himself, smiling brightly once more.

'hey,' he sat on the edge of his bed and gave him a kiss on the forehead. 'how are you doing?'

he didn't reply. minho knew his answer would only disappoint him. he sat up and gave him a pained smile back.

Jisung got up and looked around his room. 'you know, you should really open a window here some time.'

minho closed his eyes and nodded. he heard him open the blinds and the window right after. he inhaled the first wind of fresh air since days and something in his head relaxed. when he opened his eyes again, Jisung was right in front of him.

'hi,' he whispered, before leaning in to kiss him.

this might have been the only thing that kept him going. that kept the both of them going.

minho slowly stood up to deepen the kiss, planting his feet firmly on the floor to keep his balance.

they wanted to forget it all, for just a moment. and they did, at least until Jisung slipped his hands underneath minho's shirt, his fingers roaming over his bare skin.

he staggered back, a look of fear or devastation on his face. he couldn't tell.

minho raised his eyebrows. had he done something wrong?

'you- you haven't been eating.' it wasn't a question. his eyes were focused on his torso, invisible underneath his t-shirt.

oh.

he pressed his lips tightly against each other.

Jisung looked like he wanted to say more, but he just shook his head rapidly.

minho suddenly realised what he was putting him through. he knew before that it hurt his boyfriend to see him like this, but only now did he actually see how selfish he was. and if he really loved him, why could he only break his heart over and over again?

'i'm sorry.' for everything.

'it's- it's okay-'

'no it's not okay,' he said.

Jisung looked down.

'we need to talk about this, minho.'

he locked his jaw and nodded. he knew he had to let Jisung go, even if it would be the end of him. he wanted to help him for once.

---
Mmmmmm hi