★ 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕲𝖎𝖗𝖑 𝖂𝖍𝖔 𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖉 ★ (𝓐𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓮)

The Austere Academy 2

"Insomnia" you may have heard of this term, maybe people have never suffered from it while many have. "Insomnia" is a sleep disorder in which you have trouble falling and/or staying asleep. People like Lemony Snicket and myself have suffered from it too. It usually is because we lay down in bed, thinking about the Baudelaires and Jewels desperately wishing there was an invention where we could travel back to time to change their miserable lives and the unfortunate events that follow as you read through the story. Unfortunately, it is our sad and solemn duty to report the stories of the Baudelaires and Jewels, but you the audience have no such obligation. I would not have my foulest enemies read the story, feeling the misery and sadness as we have.

It pains my heart to think about what the poor youngsters had to go through, as we read and discover more of the story. I cannot simply imagine going through all of that. But some people are simply proving to be impossible to shake off as Nadia discovers. Just as a fly is enticed by honey it seemed wherever the Baudelaire youngsters were sent off in the hopes of the "safe" and "Count Olaf free life" the fly in this case Count Olaf would follow, causing them misery.

"Who can't be beaten?" Carmelita yelled as Count Olaf climbed the horse mascot.

Prufrock Prep students yelled, "A dead horse!"

"Who can't be beaten?"

"A dead horse!" 

"School spirit" is a curious term. The phrase might sound as if it refers to a ghost or other undead phantasm haunting an educational establishment like very old gum clinging to a trophy case. What "school spirit" actually refers to is the belief one particular school is better than another.

Then everyone took a seat and yelled, "Our particular school is better than others!"

Though, as the Baudelaires and Nadia were about to learn, worse things can haunt a school.

Count Olaf dismounted the mascot using two stools on either side of the horse, 

"I love the energy. I love it!" He yelled as the Baudelaires and Nadia shared looks. Everyone except them and the Quagmires stood up and cheered.

"Okay, everyone, settle down." Vice Principal Nero said. Everyone sat back down on their seats.

"Settle down? Do you hear what Vice Principal Shapiro just said?" Count Olaf scoffed as if he was offended.

"Nero," Vice Principal Nero corrected.

"Settle down." How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth. "Settle," a word which here means "settling for less," and "down," is my personal least favourite direction. Let me tell you a story." Count Olaf said.

"Here we go again," Nadia muttered as she asked Duncan for his notebook and pencil. He agreed confused, as she started to write trying not to listen to Count Olaf.

"Some years ago, a woman came to me. She needed my help. "Coach Genghis," she said to me, "I'm a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seem to lose these last 20 pounds." I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right?" Count Olaf said looking at the audience a little annoyed that no one agreed.

"Um, they're schoolchildren." Vice Principal Nero pointed out confused. Finally, he said something smart.

Nadia tried her best to ignore him, as she crossed out a sentence, what rhymes with luck?

"Exactly. And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down? Answer me, pippity-squeaks! Do you think I told her to... settle down?" Count Olaf asked a bit aggressively.

"Probably not!" Came the students reply.

"Probably not indeed. I told her to stand up. I told her to actualize and incentivize. I told her to keep her eyes on the clouds and her feet on the stars. Do you know what happened? She died in a mysterious fire." Nadia sharply looked at Count Olaf hearing his last sentence. If that man got hit by a truck she would be the one driving it. Wait a minute, it's perfect! Nadia quickly wrote and then read it in her mind.