Light and Shadows (Thranduil's story post BOTFA)

Impulse

Note: Just to say, this story has a few common/similar scenes with my story 'Mirkwood' (like this chapter, which is in Mirkwood from Tauriel's POV) but it is also an independent story with a different timeline of events. Just wanted to point that out to people who have read Mirkwood. 

The time of the Woodland Spring Feast came again and Thranduil could not deny his subjects the indulgence of having fun and keeping tradition although his own heart was heavy and in need of solitude to think through the mess that lay within. There was a time when he enjoyed feasts and celebrations...a time when his kingdom was safe, when his son was there, when his wife was there... Even after her death, he had allowed himself to enjoy annual celebrations. This year though, he wished he could stay away, out of sight, and let everyone else celebrate without even knowing he existed. Yet there was no chance of escaping, no way to avoid it for he was the King and that meant he had to keep going with all of his responsibilities.

He chose fine robes of pale blue and silver and had a new spring crown placed on his head, a token of appreciation from one of the wood elleths that had served in his halls for many years. The crown was made with such fine details and had clearly not been made out of mere duty. So strange that his subjects seemed to love him, he thought, when he felt undeserving of love. He had been cold, unforgiving and feared for centuries and it was the only way in which he saw himself. 'There is no love in you.' He pushed these words away from his mind though as quickly as they came for he had dwelt on them for too long.

When Thranduil arrived in the throne halls, his heart became lighter while looking at the beautiful magic that the wood elves had done to create an enchanting atmosphere: lights flying around like night stars above their heads, flowers ornaments that reminded him of the beauty of his forest in the old days, music and laughter, beautiful silks in all colors and lots of wine and good food. He suddenly felt less sorry to be there. Even if there was a time of war, that little paradise reminded him he had something to still fight for. The enjoyment on the faces of the wood elves and their smiles contrasted so much with the gloom he had seen on their faces while coming back from Dale and in the days and weeks that followed. He much preferred this sight.

'My lord?', he heard a familiar voice come from behind him.

It was Galion and he was extending his arm to offer him one of the large goblets filled with wine that he was holding on a silver tray. These goblets were filled with Dorwinion and were only prepared for the noble Sindar elves of the realm.

'Thank you, Galion', he said after taking the cup. 'Please enjoy yourself, there is no need for further assistance this evening, not when it comes to me.'

He saw the surprised expression on the face of his lifelong butler and servant. The times when he had been undemanding of him were scarce but that evening Thranduil felt unusually generous. He wanted to forget, at least for one evening, that he was the King and forget all of the unexpected and unsavoury events that had happened to himself and his kingdom in recent months.

Elves everywhere greeted him with respect and admiration in their eyes. He walked around in his fine robes and allowed himself to bathe in the music of the feast and look upon his subjects whom he had long avoided due to the burden in his heart. He smiled as he walked by and they bowed their heads. His generals and captains were also there yet there was no place for discussing any battle strategies or anything related to war, not that evening.

He took a second goblet of Dorwinion and for some time, he truly enjoyed himself. Until he looked around and thought of Tauriel. He felt his heart jump unwillingly. 'Where was she?'. He realized he had not seen her there and, in fact, he had not seen her at all for many days. His eyes briefly searched the feast but could not find her. He tried to clear his mind off her but with little success. As soon as Tauriel had entered his mind, thoughts of what happened during the battle in Dale flooded him again: thoughts of Legolas gone, of his own foolish feelings and actions and of the heaviness in his heart regarding the former captain of his guard and protege.