My Kidnapper Loved me

~4/1/12, 7/1/12, & 7/2/12~

~4/1/12~

It's been six month since Ryan and I found out that we were going to be parents, things couldn't be better between the two of us. I always wonder why guys act differently when their girlfriends are pregnant, I mean Tyler did the same thing that Ryan is doing now, acting sweet and kind, loving and caring. I love it but at the same time it's different, it's just really new to me, Ryan and I found out that we were having a bouncing baby boy, my little girl is going to have a new baby brother in a matter of three months. I have a doctors appointment today, and I'm kinda worried, things have been different the past few days. I can't explain it, I just feel like something's missing and I don't like it. My grandma is coming to watch Payton while Ryan and I go to our appointment, when my grandma showed up I gave her a hug and walked out the front door. I got into the car and Ryan drove us to the hospital but through the drive I had this weird feeling in my stomach. I ran my hand over it and couldn't feel any kind of movement, I feared the worst but didn't want to say anything until I could ask the doctor. When we got to the hospital we walked up to the maternity level, after an alarming ultrasound, the doctor walked in looking at Ryan and I with a sympathetic look on her face.

"Ms. Zen, Mr. Chain I'm sorry to inform you that sometime through the night you had what we call an accidental miscarriage, it's when you miscarry but have no signs of a miscarriage, I'm so sorry for your loss."

I had tears streaming down my face and Ryan held me tight as I cried, I felt tears fall on my neck and knew that Ryan was crying as well. The doctor looked at the two of us with sad eyes and I knew exactly what was coming next.

"I know this is a hard time for the both of you but we do have to remove the baby from your uterus, I just need to know when you would like to go through with the procedure."

I looked up at Ryan and he looked back at me.

"I would like to have it done now if that's possible, if that's okay?"

The doctor looked at me.

"In about fifteen minutes, I have to prep you and get the room ready, sadly after the procedure you won't be able to leave for at least two or four weeks. I hope you understand that."

I nodded my head.

"Yeah, I understand."

"Alright let's get you prepped and ready."

I let out a shaky breath and looked up at Ryan.

"Will you call my grandma let her know that you'll call her when I get out of surgery, see if she can bring Payton up sometime."

"Yeah of course."

"Thank you."

That's the last thing I remember before my procedure, everything after that was blurs of light and a mask before I knew it everything around me went black.

~7/1/12~

It's been four months since I miscarried Ryan and I's baby and my sex drive is at an all time low, I don't know how to get my drive back I want to but I don't know how to. I love him I really do but after what happened with the baby I just don't know, Ryan has been working a little more than he used to but still tries to make time for Payton and I. I appreciate it but at the end of the night he wants me and I can't feel that, if I don't soon though I know he'll leave me.

"Elena, I'm home."

I walked out of the kitchen giving him a small smile, he pulled me into a small hug placing a soft kiss on my lips. Payton was already in bed, I could tell that Ryan was in the mood, he placed his lips back on mine, I let his hands travel down my body to the back of my thighs. He lifted me from the ground walking upstairs into our room, locking the door laying me down while hovering over me. He kissed up and down my neck usually this was the main way to turn me on but it just wasn't happening, he let out a frustrated huff and looked down at me, shaking his head. He rolled over off of me, his member as hard as ever and me as dry as ever, I looked up at the ceiling and Ryan sighed in frustration.

"I can't do this anymore."

He stood from the bed and I looked at him.

"What? Where are you going?"

"I'm going somewhere where I can get satisfied, because obviously this isn't working, it's been four fucking months Elena. I get the first two maybe even three, but four I can't do this anymore, I'm leaving, I'll be back sometime, I don't even fucking know."

I looked at him with tears coming to my eyes.

"So what? You're gonna go out and cheat on me."

"I don't know what else to do Elena, I obviously don't do anything for you anymore, all I do is think about making love to you but you don't want it, so you tell me what to do."

"We could try something, anything, but don't go out and cheat on me, that's exactly what Tyler did to me several times. Granted I stayed with him but that was a mistake, if you do this I'll leave, and I'll take Payton with me. So we can try something, I don't know what yet but we'll try something, or you can walk out that door and lose me forever, your choice."

He walked back over to the bed, removed his clothes and tossed me his t-shirt he climbed back into bed. We slept with distance between us making me shiver from the loss of his warmth, maybe if we go to counseling we can fix this, get back to the way we were, but for now we'll be separate.

~7/2/12~

I woke up alone the next morning, I sat up, getting out of bed to check on Payton making sure that she was okay before making my way downstairs for some coffee. I walked in to see Ryan sitting at the island drinking his coffee, I poured myself a cup and looked at him.

"Do you want Payton and I to leave?..."

He looked up at me.

"Because if you do we will, you just have to say so."

He let out a sigh.

"Elena I love you, but you gotta get past this because I need you, I miss you, and I want you so much that it hurts. I want to make love to you again, but most of all you have to want it two otherwise we won't last and I want us to last."

I sighed.

"Ryan I do want it, I just can't, I don't know how to explain it, I want you to make love to me, but I can't get turned on I don't... I don't know what's wrong..."

He looked at me like he finally understood what I was going through.

"It's not you, it's honestly not, it's my body I don't know how or why it's like this, but I set up a doctor's appointment. I'm going to find out what's wrong, you just have to be patient with me, believe me I'm trying to figure this shit out."

He nodded his head standing from his seat, he walked over to me wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me into a tight hug.

"I owe you an apology for last night, I know you've been going through a lot with Payton and losing the baby. I should've been more considerate and supportive of your needs, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have acted that way. I shouldn't have threatened to cheat on you, that was a real dick move and you deserve more than that, I'm so sorry Elena."

I looked at him.

"I'm not gonna say it's okay because it's not, but I do love you Ryan, just don't hurt me like that again otherwise I'll leave, that's a promise."

"I understand."

I placed a soft kiss on his lips, I pulled away instantly wanting more soon our small kisses turned into so much more. Before I knew it my back was on the bed and he was hovering above me, clothes were literally torn and shredded from our bodies. It's a damn good thing we locked the door, once we were fully revealed to each other he positioned himself at my center sliding himself into me, a moan rolled off my lips he had no idea how much I missed the feel of him inside of me.

"Damn baby, I missed you so much."

I moaned his name and soon we both reached our high, when he pulled out of me he placed a single kiss on my lips. He rolled over next to me, holding me in his arms until he had to go to work and I had to take care of Payton. That night when he got home things were back to the way they were before everything took a turn for the worst and I loved it. Ryan and I were back to our normal lovie dovie selves and we slept in each other's arms, I felt safe and life was wonderful.