An-EXIT

CHAPTER 25 (WRITERS CLUB)

MITANSH

Talking with Ahaana was more fun and lively then talking to anyone else around me. Sometimes I feel that hurting her was not just a coincidence, it was a chance for us to meet. If that wouldn't have happened then we might have been mere strangers, crossing paths without even noticing each other's presence, each other's Existence!

'Stranger', this word has taken another meaning in my life. The complete opposite to what it actually means. Sometimes, I sit in front of my laptop with An-Exit open on the screen without any reason.....yeah, maybe actually waiting for her reply. It's been four months since I replied to her letter, but didn't receive anything in return.

That planned encounter with her in the library, I don't think I'll ever forget that. How I walked in the library and sat just at the place where I sat on our first meeting. How I learned her timings, her schedule, to choose a day to clear all my doubts. Those suffocating feelings, the nervousness which was building up inside me from six to seven months. I was so confused. The time period where I decided to not meet her, to not show my face to her was very distracting. Only thing which echoed in my head in those days was, 'Are Ahaana and The Stranger the same?' 'Is she's the one who was sending me the letters?' 'The feeling which the letter held, are they because of me?'

Though some of my questions were answered on the day we met in the library, some are yet to be answered. I don't know if the feelings the letter held were all because of me, or I was just a little part in the bigger picture. But I do know that my actions provoked her to choose An-EXIT that night. And sadly I can't change it. My actions, my mistakes, I can't change them. But I can stop myself from repeating them!

I was feeling pathetic all those months when I chose to avoid Ahaana. I was just not ready to face her. What will I say when she sees me? Will she run away? Or she would never talk to me? All these questions were running through my head but I am glad nothing like this happened in the library. Though she tried to run away from there but soon I convinced her to stay. Well, I can't say that I actually convinced her.....I.. you know what, I am not going to think about that moment where I literally made a fool out of myself....what the fish was I even thinking? Ankle sprain, first medal for the fantastic idea.

The atmosphere at college was also one of the reasons which made me go to the library to meet her. Because of me her life at college became miserable. Those jerks, the stupid fan club members bullied her. How dare they? I wanted to stop it. Stop them. But at that time, I was so blank. The emotions which I was carrying in myself felt more terrible than anything I could see, I wasn't able to think straight. If I would've taken any rash decision, there was no guarantee that the results would be in my favor. Many times I felt like punching them in their face or kicking their asses in front of the whole university, but no, that would be plain dumbness. So, I secretly recorded their videos, not only of them bullying Ahaana, but the other students too. Never thought that it would be so fun to make them pay back in their own style. They should too know how it feels to get recorded without permission.

Soon I submitted my complaint with the physical proof I have been storing for a week. Yeah, now it was karma's turn. I was clear with my part.

And when I finally thought that I helped her. I was done with everything I owe her. Then suddenly I realized, I was the reason she got bullied. If someone else other than me would have taken her to the clinic on GD day, then those fan club members wouldn't have bullied her. From all these cases, I was the main reason she faced cruelty. Again, even if it's indirect, the reason she felt humiliated was me. I was guilty, so guilty. I started blaming myself for each and everything I could think of.

Distancing myself from her was of no help. Agastya helped me in this, he was the only person who knew about it. But, it was worthless. I remember him reminding me of the promise we three made to not join this chain of "An-Exit". But, I did enter. I broke the promise. Though Agastya forgave me, on the other hand, Zaid doesn't even have an idea. This makes me feel even more guilty about this whole situation. Not only did I enter this chain breaking my promise, I even managed to hurt a person.