My person

21

When I walk into Y/N's and mine hotelroom, I see my roommate laying in a ball in her bed. She has her hood pulled over her head, so I don't really know if she is asleep or not. Although we only have been back here for like 5 minutes, I wouldn't be surprised if she was asleep already. She can just close her eyes and she is asleep or something. This kid is weird.

I walk into the bathroom to get changed into some more comfortable clothes. I had made plans with Rose to go out. I change into some jeans and a crop top, showing off my toned stomach.

When I walk out of the bathroom, I hear a sniffle. I stop moving, to make sure I'm hearing it correctly. When I see y/n rub her eyes. I step over to her. "Y/n?", I ask softly, not wanting to scare her. "Are you okay?".

"Yeah, I'm fine", her voice cracks, which I admit it was cute. She takes a deep breath, probably trying to stop crying. I sit down on the side of her bed. I lay my hand on her back.

"What's wrong?", looking at her face, which she is trying to hide, but not succeeding very well. She sits up, still sniffling, and pulls her legs up to her body, wrapping her arms around it.

"Everything", she sobs and starts pulling on some wisps of her hair. She pulls so hard, she literally pulls some out hairs. I take her hand in my hands, not wanting to see her hurt herself even more.

"What do you mean?", she just shakes her head, clenching her hand. I've never seen her like this before. Y/n is normally the most happy person i've seen. Maybe she just holds it in all the time and has been bottling up her feelings. Maybe it is too much now, after what happened at training.

"I just...", she can't really speak, her crying too much to even get a word in. I rub circles on her back with my hand. "I... I just feel like I'm born in the wrong body". She frustratedly throws her teddy bear to the wall.  What is she talking about? Like with her being intersex and all?

"Do you mean... like with you having a penis?", I asked carefully, not really understanding what's going on. She shakes her head. "No, that's the best part about me. I just mean... I don't feel like a girl", she carefully looks me in the eyes, afraid of my reaction.  I give her a small smile. I kind of can come into that. I mean she already acts more like a boy.

"That's okay. Have you felt like that for a long time?", I ask and pull her closer to me. "I don't know. I mean yeah, but i've only come out for it this year. I only started doing something for it couple of months ago".

"Can I ask what had happened during training?".

"I- because of the sleepover I didn't have time to take off my binder and and then I had slept with it. And this morning  the dysphoria was so bad, I didn't dare to take it off. So breathing had become difficult and then Kelley it me right in my chest and yeah that was kind of the last drop. They literally had to get Tobin and Christen to calm me down, to get the binder off. Why can't I just be normal", she sobs loudly, her body moving with every sob. 

"Y/nn, you are normal. It doesn't matter which gender you are, we all like you for your personality. You're such a wonderful person. And I love you for the person you are", I chuckle the last bit, while I gently run my hand through her short, blond hair. She chuckles too, wiping away her tears.
"So, if you don't feel like a girl, does that mean you don't like the pronouns she/her? Like should we use other pronouns?".

"I- yeah... it just I dunno. It kinda of crushes me hearing she/her every time. I- if you want uhm to use pronouns like he/him or they/them. I don't really know".

"That's fine. You can still figure it out. We will help you, y/nn. Just know you don't have to do it alone", I reassure them, pulling them into a hug. "Do you... maybe want to tell the rest of the team? Or do you want to wait?".

"I- i dunno. Maybe wait for a little bit longer, so that I really know what I want", they mumble, burying their head into my neck. I shiver, feeling their breath onto my neck. Their lips brush against my neck. I feel my blood rush to my cheeks. My eyes wide, not really knowing why I feel like this.

"Okay, I won't say anything", we hug a little bit longer, until I have to pull back, because someone's knocking on our door. They keep knocking, not having the patient to wait until I stand up and open the door.

"I'm going to shower", y/n says, rushing to take their clothes and runs into the bathroom, closing the door behind them. I open the door, seeing Rose standing behind it. Why am I not surprised it's her being so childish.

"Are you ready?", she bounces on her feet excitedly. "Yeah yeah", I laugh at this weird adult. "Come one! I'm hungry", she yells as she runs through the hallways of the hotel, no doubt annoying people here.

We walk out of the hotel. Ashlyn, Ali, Megan and the youngsters joining us during our walk towards a restaurant. We are all chatting with each other over some random things until Megan asks "so Mal, do you know what is going on with Y/n?".

I turn to see everyone look at me expectedly. "Yeah I do, but it isn't my place to tell you guys". I see Ashlyn looking shocked when I said I know what is going on, so she and y/n probably already talked about which means she also knows what's going on.

"Hmm fine. I just want some drama", Megan says disappointedly. Ali laughs, "don't you have enough drama with all your pranks".

"Well yeah, but I want some juicy new drama", I chuckle at the childish like captain. They both together is some strange duo. They start running towards the restaurant, excited to eat.

"Mal?", I hear someone call me from behind me. I turn to see Ashlynn calling me over. "Is y/nn okay?".

"Yeah uh we talked and I dunno, they probably will be okay", I answer, making sure I use the right pronounces. Ashlyn smiles at that. "We just need to give them some time". We walk into the restaurant, going to our places.