My person

12

One week. Just one week until I have a break from this horrible part of my life. Just one week until I am with Mal playing again. I hope playing for USWNT won't be so bad.

These past couple of weeks have been hard. Between practicing my ass off, studying for the exams and the devil I call my roommate, my life has been hell.

I like soccer. I really do. I like the exercising, the running, feeling the ball on my feet, the sound of the ball hitting the net, but there are bad parts about it too. I don't think anyone else experience these bas parts because it's mainly because of my body and gender dysphoria. The feeling of my shirt sticking on my body, making everything visible. Or when the ball hits my chest, a reminder that there are things there that I don't necessarily want. Or the feeling that everything is on display through the shorts down under, even though nobody knows about me being intersex. I hate it.

I am still not even sure what I wanna be. A boy? A girl? Something in between?

I don't know if I can talk to someone about it. I feel like I don't really have that deep connection with my teammates that I am willing to tell about this big secret in my life. I've thought about it to tell Jessie. I am closer to her than others in my team. But then again, I don't wanna disturb her with my nonsense.

I don't know if I can talk to our coach, because would I still be allowed on the team? What if they kick me out of the team? I am nothing without soccer. I dedicated all my life to soccer.

I can't tell our school counselor. She will tell my coach and then I still will be kicked out of the team. I just can't have that.

-

I walk into my dorm room. I just came from practice, so I am sweaty. I decide to take a shower before I do anything else. I didn't want to shower in the locker room since somebody can walk in any moment. I don't want them to freak out when they see me naked.

Chloe is sitting on her bed again. It seems like she doesn't do anything else. The only things I've seen her do are showering and sitting on her bed. Like she doesn't leave that place. Maybe she is depressed? Or it is just a coincidence I walk in that moment.

The past couple of weeks I did everything to ignore her. When she said she was going to make my life a living hell, I didn't think she was serious. She had called me a freak everyday. She has taunted me from the moment I wake up. She tells things about me, I've never told anyone else. I don't know how she gets all this information but it is really scary. She can expose me to the world and then my life will be over. My career will be over. I won't have any friends anymore. My parents are going to think I am a freak even more than before. The USWNT won't take me in anymore.

She makes me feel bad about myself even more. She makes me feel bad just thinking about me being trans. I kind of got to terms with it, but now I just want to throw the whole thoughts away.

"Hey freak. Did you have a good day?", the girl smirks as she looks up from her bed. I just ignore her and take my stuff from my closet. "You know, you can't ignore me forever. Eventually something will happen that will force you to talk to me".

What does she mean by that? Is she going to do something? I just ignore it and go the bathroom. I put on the shower, letting it run already while I take my clothes off.

When I am rinsing my hair, the door of the bathroom goes open. My roommate walks in, fully dressed, with her phone in her hand.

"WHAT THE FUCK!", I scream as I try to cover my naked body.

She just walks closer as she smiles evilly "I told you, you won't be able to ignore me".

"Get out! You psycho", I scream at her and throw the bottle of shampoo to her head. It hits her right in the middle of the head. She stops walking and her smiles drop. "You shouldn't have done that".

She stands right in front of me and pushes my hand away. She takes my dick in her hand and takes a picture with her phone. I try to push her away, but she has a death-grip on my penis and it hurts so fucking much.

I scream and hit her in the head. She lets go and walks out of the bathroom, leaving me feeling violated. Tears escape from my eyes and within 2 seconds I am sobbing on the shower floor. I scrub my body violently, trying to get rid off the feeling of her hands on me. I cry even harder and keep scrubbing. Parts of my body start to see red.

I lay on the shower floor for some couple of minutes more. I put the shower off and dry my body with the towel. I get dressed in some grey jogger shorts and a hoodie. I walk out of the bathroom. Chloe is gone.

I call Mal.

"Hey Y/nn!", she speaks excitedly through the phone. I sob again, not being able to suppress my feelings.

"Mal", I cry.

"Y/n? What is wrong?", she asks concerned, turning seriously.

"M-my roommate... she-", I can't really talk because of the loud sobbing that leaves my mouth.

"Okay Y/nn. You don't have to tell me what's wrong. Just pack your suitcase. You're coming to the camp earlier"

We say goodbye and then hang up. I pack my suitcase and book a flight. Then I leave the crime scene.

-

Mal's point of view

I pace the floor nervously. Y/n just called. Something definitely happened. She didn't tell me what, but I just know it.

Christen and Tobin are with me, trying to calm me down.

"Mal everything is going to be okay", Tobin says as she pulls me in a hug, preventing me from walking more circles around the room. "Just calm down".

"No you don't understand. You was so distraught. She was crying. Something bad happened to her Tobin", I cry. My best friend was hurt and I wasn't there for her.

"Come on. We are going to pick her up from the airport", christen takes my hand and leads me out of the room to the car.

-

"What happened?", I ask Y/nn as we sit on my bed.

I came to camp two days ago. Not everyone is here already. But I decided to come already so I can see some of my teammates earlier.

We picked Y/n up from the airport and in the meantime she has showered and eaten a little bit. She hasn't really talked, but we can see she isn't herself right now. Something happened, but we don't know what.

"I can't talk about it right now, but I promise I will tell you when I am ready", she looks me in the eye. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying.

"Ok", I answer and take her into my arms. She leans her head on my chest as I scratch her scalp. Not much later she falls asleep.

What has happened?