My person

15

Fuck.

Why must this happen to me? Don't I have it difficult enough already? Why did she have to take a pic of it? I don't understand. What did I do to make her hate me this much?

Tears form in my eyes as I look at the shocked faces in front of me. I blink them away quickly, not letting anybody see that I am upset.

"Yeah", I laugh, very fake but I don't think anyone notices. I can see Mal look concerned at me. I shake my head at her. "I don't know why anyone would send me a dickpic. I am gay".

"Really? I didn't know that", Emily says dramatically.

"Bitch please. Does she look straight to you?", Kelley deadpans.

"Not really"

I just laugh at their antics.

"I am going to take a walk", I inform them as I stand up. I walk out of the room and walk outside the hotel. I stop at the park near the hotel. I sit on a bench and stare at the picture on my phone.

"Are you okay?", I hear a voice ask me softly. I turn my head and see Mallory standing behind me. She had put on a hoodie of mine because it's chilly outside.

"I dunno", I mumble as I return my gaze back to my phone.

"It's yours, isn't?"

I sniffle as I nod. Tears start to fall finally. I have a lump in my throat from holding back my tears.

"My roommate", I sob and try to wipe away some tears. "She came into the bathroom while I was showering. Mal, she..."

She sits down next to me and rubs my back comfortingly.

"She g- grabbed me d- down there", I sob, not being able to speak normally by the force of my sobbing.

"Oh Y/nn. It's alright. Cry it out", she whispers as she pulls me into an embrace. I continue sobbing into her neck until i don't have any more tears. "Have you told anyone?".

"No. I just wanted to forget, but now...", I shake my head as I wipe away my tears violently. "Now she sends me a pic she took".

"Y/nn", she rubs the back of my neck, playing with the small hairs there, which calms me a little bit down. "Maybe you should tell Jill. She can do something about it. What if it gets out on the internet".

"No. I don't wanna tell her. She just took me into the team. I don't wanna be a bother to the team. What if she kicks me out? I'm nothing without soccer. I'm just a freak"

"Y/n", Mal says sternly as she forces me to loon at her, by turning my head with her hand. "You are not a freak".

I scoff. Yeah right. I've been called that in school and now my roommate says the same thing so it must be true, right?

"And Coach is certainly not going to kick you out. She wants you to be a part of the team. She needs you. You are an exceptional soccer player. She isn't going to drop you for something you didn't cause. In fact, she is going to help you. Just tell her please. And if you want, I will be there with you", she looks me straight in the eyes while she tells me this.

I look down at her lips, seeing them slightly parted from the panting caused by her rant.

I look away and look at the lake in front of me. I look at the swans swimming carefree. It isn't fair. Why can't I be a swan? I wouldn't have this misery. Why can't I just be normal?

"Okay", I nod at her. "I will talk to Jill".

-

I just came back from talking to Coach and Dawn. I told them both about me being intersex, which they already knew  since they have my medical records, but still I didn't want them to judge so I was cautious about it.

They told me that it was okay and that it didn't matter with me playing in a woman's team since my testosterone levels aren't as high as a boy's or a trans persons, so if it ever comes out about me being intersex, they can't kick me off the team for that reason.

I also told them about my roommate and the picture she took. Coach Ellis told me that if I want I can press charges against Chloe for assault. I don't know if I want to do that, because what if it makes everything worse? What if she leaks the picture to the press because I pressed charges against her? So I told them I will think about it.

Now they said they will think about it and see if they can help me with my roommate. Changing dorms or something, or maybe not living in a dorm but in my own apartment or something like that. That would be nice, but living all by myself? I don't know if I am ready for that.

And the last thing they said was that if the picture ever comes out, it would up to me if I want to do an interview about it. I will see then probably.

-

I walk into my room and see Christen and Tobin on Mallory's bed while Mal is sitting on my bed.

"Hey", I give Mal a small smile. I sit down next to her. She shuffles closer to me so I wrap my arm around her.

"How did it go?"

"Good", I answer and give them a small explanation about what Jill told me.

"Do you think that your roommate will leak the picture?", It was Tobin that asked the question.

"I don't know what she is capable of, but I wouldn't be surprised", I tell them and think about all the things my roommate has done.

I talk some more with Christen and Tobin while cuddling with Mallory. She is completely ignoring us, just absorbed into her phone. I look down at what she is doing and see that she is texting Dansby.

Seriously? We are cuddling while she is texting that boy? I roll my eyes and pretend like nothing is wrong while talking to the others.