Say I Never Mattered | A Sooshu Fan-Fiction

chapter nineteen

My first training day for modeling came and went. From agreeing to take a class for facial expressions on the runway, learning the delicate art of strutting in heels, how to swing my arms, how to arch my back, and more, I was exhausted.

When the driver that had driven me to my training dropped me off at my house, I almost considered paying him to carry me inside. My legs were exhausted from all of the walking and my back hurt from learning how to arch it correctly as I walked.

I entered my house and trudged up the stairs in the darkness, trying to find my way using my arms. My phone was somewhere buried in my purse and I didn't have the energy to look for it.

I bumped into someone as I was walking and nearly fell back in fear, "Holy shit, you scared me."

"I'm so sorry."

Not Soojin..

"Oh, it's you," I frowned. "Why are you awake?"

"You can't even pretend like you're happy to see me?" Soojin joked.

"Oh, so you want me to lie to you?" I chuckled before I shoved past her in order to walk to my room.

"Hey, I just want to talk to you." Soojin said as she quickly caught up to me.

Soojin put her hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off, "I don't want to talk to you."

"I know you don't but we need to if we're going to keep living under the same roof," Soojin said to me as I kept walking away from her.

"Leave me alone, Soojin!" I shouted back at her, only making it to my door before she had me pinned up against it.

"So, you're calling me Soojin now, huh?" She sneered at me condescendingly. "I guess I was able to make you.

"You disgust me," I spat at her.

"We need to talk about what happened," Soojin said to me, her tone much more serious than before.

"Step back and then we'll talk," I said, my fists balled up at my sides.

"We're having the conversation like this because I know that as soon as I move, you're just going to reach for that door handle and lock yourself in there," Soojin said to me. I began to eye the door handle and upon her realization that I was about to go for it, she grabbed it before I got the chance.

"What the fuck do you even want to talk to me about?" I huffed. "I don't know what you want from me!"

"I see you but you don't see me," Soojin said softly.

I could feel my heart stop in my chest, "What?"

"I've been in love with you this entire time but you're blinded by unrequited love!" Soojin raised her voice at me despite the fact that everyone was sleeping.

"Okay, first of al-,"

Soojin cut me off, "I've been here this entire time and you haven't noticed me! Not once! I've done everything right trying to get your attention and you just do not give a fuck about any of it!"

"I have so many problems with what you just said," I said, taking a deep breath.

"What the fuck kind of response is that?" Soojin yelled at me, causing me to slide further away from her against the

"I just don't know what you want me to say, Soojin!" I shouted at her, causing her lips to quiver.

"Can you at least pretend to care?" Soojin asked me, tears beginning to well up in her eyes.

"First, you tell me that you're in love with me but then you say that Soyeon doesn't want me back. Do you not realize how that sounds?" I asked her seriously, crossing my arms. "It honestly makes no sense that you'd say that you've been doing everything to try and get my attention meanwhile I decided to quite literally become a celebrity just so you'd notice me again. You're going to seriously tell me that you've done everything to get my attention when you've hardly looked at me in the past three or four years. It's ridiculous. I don't believe any of it. I think it's a crock of shit. You say you've wanted me the entire time but you only tell me now that Soyeon and I are seeing each other. I think you're just jealous that I found someone else when I'm up."

"You did not do this for me, you this for your family," Soojin said, trying to deflect.

"Have you not considered that maybe I did it for two reasons and you just didn't want to acknowledge that possibility because you thought you'd be self-centered?" I asked her derisively. "Also, way to deflect and ignore literally everything else that I said but that one thing."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Soojin shook her head back and forth for a moment before putting her face in her hands.

"Are you good?" I asked her, putting my hand on the side of her arm. Despite all of the anger that I felt toward her, I still cared. Even if I didn't want to, I did.

The two of us made eye contact for a moment before Soojin grabbed my hand from off of her arm and pulled me in to kiss her, placing my hand on her hip. Against my better judgment, I kissed her back, moving my other hand to her side. I felt desperate as I kissed her and no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't stop. I couldn't help myself. I knew I needed to pull away and put an end to this but I wasn't able. It was like I needed to kiss her.

Soojin pulled away from me, "Is this okay? This is consensual, right?"

Jesus fucking Christ, that was attractive.

"I want this," I whispered to her. "I want you."

This is so wrong. This is so fucking wrong.

A/N:

Before I even say anything, I'd just like to thank all of you for 3k views. I was honestly scared that nobody would come back to this story because I left it alone for so long. I'm cringing at myself as I'm writing this after watching a lot of Tiktoks about how Wattpad authors will disappear for a long time and then come back with some huge story about how they almost died or something.

Unfortunately, I am still alive and well, hence why I'm back to writing this. It's always been a favorite of mine to write and I'm so glad that I'm back. To sum up my absence, let's just say it's a mixture of these things: Writer's block, writing another story of mine called Helium, and trying to graduate high school.

Enough about that, though, thank you again for 3k. I wouldn't have done it without any of you.

Special thanks to dhaliatata for being an OG. You're amazing.