Say I Never Mattered | A Sooshu Fan-Fiction

chapter thirty-one

trigger warning:
mentions of rape

"I have to ask you, how on God's green Earth is this a date?" I called after Soyeon as I slowed down my running, eventually drawing to a halt and squatting to the ground to catch my breath. "Hold on a second!"

Soyeon stopped in her tracks and walked back over to me, squatting down with me, "One of the many rites of passages for any celebrity is to be spotted in Runyon Canyon by the paparazzi."

"Why do the paparazzi want sweaty pictures of us?" I asked, squinting my eyes at her.

"They want to catch you when you're vulnerable and running in the wilderness is a very vulnerable thing to do," Soyeon said, half-jokingly. "Okay, but seriously, there's a reason I told you to do your hair and makeup before this."

My eyes widened when I realized what she was saying to me, "Did you fucking call the paparazzi on us?"

Soyeon covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a laugh, "Yeah, I did."

I thought to myself for a moment, "Now the fact that you asked me to wear athleisure but still do my hair and makeup makes sense now.."

"See, you get me now," Soyeon playfully shoved me. "Imagine if someone else brought you here and they didn't warn you about what was going to happen. This is what I'm here for."

"Oh, so you're just my personal guide to fame now, huh?" I asked her sarcastically, flashing her a toothy grin.

Soyeon leaned in to kiss me and stood up, putting out her hand for me to grab, "We can just walk, if you want."

I grabbed her hand and used it for support as I got up, "I should be more used to running by now considering how much I've had to work out to get into shape for modeling, but no."

"Let's just chat then," Soyeon said as we began to walk up the trail.

"Sounds good to me," I chuckled. "Do you have anything in mind?"

"No, not necessarily," Soyeon shrugged. "I just want to get to know you more, I guess."

"I get that," I said. "I want to get to know you more but I never know the right things to ask to get beneath the surface."

"Well, you did that one other night when we talked about what we did," Soyeon said to me, taking a drink of water after.

"More like I knew what buttons to push to get you to open up one time," I joked. "But yeah, I get what you're saying."

"How about this, have you ever been in love before?" Soyeon asked me.

Yes.

"It's quite difficult to explain."

"I'm all-ears," Soyeon said.

I hesitated, "I was in love with Soojin as a kid and a young teenager and I don't know how I feel now."

Soyeon exhaled harshly, "That's deep."

"I know it is," I said, sighing. "The only thing I know for sure at this point is that I want to be with you but I can't commit until I figure out how I feel for her, that wouldn't be fair to you."

"That's very mature of you and I appreciate you admitting that to me," Soyeon said as we walked, slowing her pace a bit.

"I wish it were simple but this shit runs deep," I said to her. "I don't even hang around my house anymore when she's there just so I don't have to talk to her or deal with it."

"You probably should deal with it," Soyeon chuckled.

"How am I supposed to do that?" I asked her incredulously.