The Chronicles of The Trinity on Earth-10: Part One - Superman

Chapter Eight: Karens In America

West End Walmart | Metropolis, New York
Monday, July 13, 2018 | 16:45 EDT

Lois is with me, and we're getting some stuff for dinner tonight. But, as Lois goes off to another aisle to get some special spices, you know, my hearing chooses the damnedest times to get special on me. As I finish picking out some wide chicken tenders, and put them in the cart, I hear what sounds like a cart hitting something, and Lois cursing in pain. So I make my way to her as I see and hear this exchange: "Excuse me, ma'am," says Lois. "I didn't see you there."

The woman who rammed Lois with her cart stands there, having folded her arms, and clears her throat with a displeased expression on her face. Oh no, it's happening. The blonde bob, the oversized purse, the cheap name-brand imitation sunglasses on-head, a kid in tow: It's a... Karen!

Lois looks at the woman, confused, and says, "Can I... help you with something?"

"Yes. I need you to direct me to every item on my list," the Karen demands. "And be quick about it. I have other places to be."

"I'm sorry, but I don't work here," says Lois as politely as she can, "and you really need to work on the way you talk to other people."

And she continues looking for the spices I need. Ha! That's my girl. Callin' it the way she sees it. But this woman, it seems, can't take a hint. And her daughter looks utterly mortified when she recognizes my fiancé.

"Mom," the girl says, "cut it out! That's Lois Lane, from the Daily Planet you're talking to. Miss Lane, I'm sorry for my mom. Really."

"Not a problem, sweetie. You guys have a good one," says Lois, and she moves to step around the nice girl and her absolutely rude mother.

But the Karen stops both her daughter and Lois from moving, and says, "Bridgette, honey, this can't possibly be Lois Lane. Lane is a White person's name. This girl is a Mexican. And I'm most certain that she works here."

I roll the cart next to Lois and just stop dead in my tracks, bewildered at the blatantly racist statement that this woman just made regarding Lois. And the woman's daughter, Bridgette, looks to be so humiliated, that tears just form in her eyes. And then she sees me and her welled-up tears cascade down her face.

And the Karen continues, looking back at Lois, who is fuming, at this point, "Now, you Mexican imbecile, if you don't do what I say, right this instant, I will go and get your manager and I will have you fired! I can't stand Mexicans like you who take jobs away from actual Americans, and then turn around and think they can get away with not doing their job, just because they're Affirmative Action hires!"

And I notice multiple people who have their phones out and are recording this foolishness as it unfolds, play-by-play.

"Mom, stop!" cries Bridgette. "You're humiliating me! People are recording this, right now! And if they post this online, I'll be the laughing stock at school! Please, Mom, let's just find someone who actually works here, and leave Mister Kent and Miss Lane alone, please!"

But this Karen won't even listen to the pleas of her own child. "Be quiet and let Mommy handle this," she says, dismissing the girl out of hand. "Besides, let these people record us. We have the right to tell people who don't belong in this country the way it is here in America."

Then she turns back to Lois and says, "So what's it gonna be, Mexican? Are you going to follow my very simple instructions, or are you going to force me to open up a job slot for an American who actually wants to make an honest living? Hello?! Do you comprende?"

"You are such a moron," I say, now thoroughly pissed off and restraining Lois securely.

"Excuse me?!" screeches the Karen, finally losing her marbles.