The Girl He Never Wanted [Completed]

17-WHORE (Trigger)

!!! TRIGGER WARNING !!!

SEXUAL ASSAULT
ALLUSIONS TO MURDER AND SELF-HARM

WHORE

He threw the phone against the wall and rushed to my side. He pulled the ring off my finger and threw it on the floor. I saw it roll somewhere under the couch. I rushed to it and kneeled on the floor to reach under and tried to retrieve it. I got it back.

"I thought you've changed!" Sigaw n'ya while hovering over me. I froze. His voice boomed throughout the office.

"No, please listen to me. It's not like that," I looked up to him pleading. I tried to hold his hand but he pulled back. I did not even get to touch him.

"Then what was it, huh?! You fucked the whole baseball team!"

I just crumbled on the floor from where I was kneeling.

"And when was it? Close to the day you promised to be with me forever! Nakakadiri ka!" He continued yelling at me while walking back and forth a few steps away from me. I tried to come closer to him but he stepped further back.

"Is it true? 'Yang nasa video?" He asked.

I know exactly what he meant. I closed my eyes firm and nodded. It was all true. It all happened. I could remember kneeling while blurred faces hovered around me. They took turns pleasuring themselves using my face. I thought it was all worth it, but I failed big time. Janice still got hurt. The video could ruin the Carvajo family.

I heard him punch the wall and a glass shatter on the floor. My whole body is shaking. Tears just kept coming. I couldn't even say anything. I do not even know what to say. My head hurts so bad. My eyes are hazy. My stomach is churning. I gripped my ring, trying to get some strength from it.

He came closer to me and kneeled in front. I looked up and saw him crying too. "It hurts so bad, baby, but you are nothing but the biggest whore. I want nothing to do with you," he whispered those words with so much indignation and finality. He forced open my hand gripping the ring and threw it once more. I instantly knew it was our end.

"Please, please, please. Just listen to me one last time. I am not gonna excuse myself from what happened but I need you to know the truth," I begged. Almost whispering my words from so much anguish. I was still on the floor. I just don't think I have any strength left to stand back up.

"The only truth is that you fucked the whole baseball team! It was all on video!" He yelled at me.

The door of his office flew open and Luriel heard me beg. "You don't fucking beg! Get up!" He yelled at me. He rushed to my side and picked me up by my shoulders.

"Pinaluhod mo s'ya?!" Sigaw niya kay Mark who tried to come closer to us.

"There! Magsama kayong dalawa! You fucking deserve that whore!" Sigaw niya sabay duro sa aming dalawa ni Luriel.

Luriel let go of me and punched him. "I pray to God you never forget this day. Stay away from her!" Sabay duro niya rin dito.

I just obeyed Luriel in my sudden catatonic state. I stayed like that for two years. All memories blurred. Happy and good ones. Traumatic and bad ones. They all faded into the back of my head and what's left is an empty shell.

I just woke up one day with Ate Carla, Mommy Isadora, and Tita Carmel by my side. When I had to be brought to the US for therapy, they took care of me full-time. No trace of all the men in my life, especially him.

I wished I never woke up. My waking moments are filled with nothing but nightmares and flashbacks. Some injuries can be counted and medicated. But when you injure your soul, there is nothing to apply a medication into.

I could not even tell my real story, no one would believe me anyway. My reality would always fall short because of the compounding preconceived sets of myths and narratives. I was the whore who deserved every bit of it. No one would understand that being a slut was my choice, but being subjected to assault wasn't.

There are moments where I take a knife and stab them, blood would splatter all over my face and body, I would spread my arms wide as I drop the knife. It creates a loud sound as it clatters to the floor. I would dramatically turn around to the applause of the audience. I would be given a standing ovation for defeating them.

But most moments I get outnumbered and I had to turn my knife around. I was not to blame but I was filled with uncertainty, minimization, and self-blame. I could not use the knife on them, and instead of getting captured and experience the same trauma, I take back the control I have over my life, take it myself.

Laura would show up once in a while to try to talk to me. But I wasn't there, she would be talking to a soulless person. I went to hell and refused to come back this time. I am enjoying my party with the devil as he helped me not see and feel anything in darkness.

Laura and Ace got married and Luriel convinced them to relocate to San Francisco. He could not come close to me without triggering any panic attacks. He needed Laura to do it for him.

Around the same time, Lolo fell ill too and halos maubos ang pera to try to save him. We almost lost the whole hacienda and the mansion if not for my allowance from Papa. He also helped in rehabilitating it before Tita Carmel convinced me to try to divert my attention to something more productive like taking over the business myself. She says so that could have her husband back, but I truly believe she just wanted me better.

I got my Masters before returning. I lived alone in the mountains for two years. I fixed the old house deep within our hacienda. It was previously used by our laborers who had to be laid off. I planted my own garden.  I am at peace with nature there. I would only come down once a week to check on the business and also pick up some supplies.

It is a nipa and bamboo cabin around 30 square meters size in total and resting a few feet away from the riverbank. The walls and floors are made of bamboo with pull up windows made from the same material. There is pretty much nothing in the living room section but a medium-sized bamboo bench and tiny coffee table.

At the right side of the house is the bedroom. There is nothing there. No bed. I use a banig to sleep on. I don't sleep anyways, I just silently hunch at the corner of the room until another day starts. I take short naps to not keep my guard down.

At the very end section of the house is a clay hearth. I use firewood to cook there. The counters and tiny dining table is also made of bamboo. I use a kerosene lantern for lighting. Close to the kitchen is a tiny bathroom. May balde doon na ginagamit ko para mag-igib ng tubig. No shower. I would wash either in the river or mag-iigib ako ng tubig sa loob ng restroom.

After two years, I started to live in the mansion with the family. But I would sometimes retreat back to that house whenever I'm not feeling right.

Lolo is getting weaker. Lola is healthy. Mommy found a flame. I am taking care of the business full-time. Manang Sela is still with us. Tita Isabella and Sister Joy would sometimes come and visit.

I am still a work in progress but I will get there. I still struggle between speaking and hiding. But I have learned to take myself out of situations I don't like. Hell is other people and I have zero tolerance left for it.