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it's so loud help

August 1st, 2021; around 4.15pm

Can't get just stop screaming wtf

My dad and brother are both not home and it's still so unbearable loud I can't

My sister's keep arguing about some toy, they keep hurting each other, my mum yells at them, they yell back at her and then again at each other again and it goes like this for more than 2 hours now

My brother also comes home in a few mins and honestly I just wanna cry

And I can't even go outside or anything because it rains and my mum won't let me out in the rain

I probably got oversensitive but if I'm being honest, the more loud it gets at my home, the more it scares me idfk

I just get mad uncomfortable, I try ignoring it but It doesn't work, I just wanna hide, hold my ears so that I can't hear anything and cry

And everytime i hear a loud noise my stomach kinda feels like it's twisting and twisting and idk just really uncomfortable and scared ig

And idk what to do

Because I can't talk to my mum, bcs like a few days ago my mum wanted to know "WhAtS WrOnG wItH mE" and kept asking and saying that I can tell her anything and all that typical.stuff

And like ofc I didnt tell her what's apparently wrong with me (I'm still trying to figure out what she meant with that btw😐) but I opened up a bit, just a bit about the exams I have in 4 weeks

Like I didnt even say much and yk what ahppened?

She started blaming me

"Ja du wolltest es doch so"
"Hättest du dich während den schuljahr mehr angestrengt"
"Mit dieser einstellung schaffst du es sicher nicht, für was bezahlen wir dir überhaupt doe nachhilfe wenn du es eh nicht schaffen willst"

And she said more stuff like.that

(Fyi, before that she asked me how I think about the exams and I said "Idk if I make it then gut and if I don't make it well dann halt nicht")

And then she kept on saying that it was my decision even tho I told them often enough that I don't want nachhilfe and they didn't even ask me if I wanted to take those exams, like before I told my dad my mum asked me if I wanted to take those exams and I was like Idk yet I wanna think abt it (and that was like I.think 2 weeks before summer holidays) and after that she kept on saying that I had to tell my dad and shit and bla bla and then after I told him both my parents were just like us da musst du jetzt ordentlich lernen damjt du beide bestehst and they didn't even give me a choice

And yeah that's why I can't talk with my mum abt anything😀

And talking with my dad is even worse because he will turn the whole topic, and starts victimizing my whole family and how they always have to deal with me and then talks abt that fucking religious bs and after he starts talking abt that it's better when I talm with a wall then with him

And who else can I tell that could possibly help? Nobody

So yeah I can do nothing but deal with this crap rn

Yeah

Pls warum muss es heute regnen man

I hate it in here wtf

Ok my brother just came home ig ill go for now bye