August 7th, 2021; around 0.30am
Ahahahah
My mum wants to go swimming later
With all my siblings
And ofc I have to go with them
My mum said I don't have to go in the water but honestly I'm 100% sure she didn't mean it and makes me go into the water with them
But seriously
I am not ready for this like awe hell nah
Last time I wanted to go swimming and tried on my bikini I was literally crying for like 10 minutes just because of how I looked
And that's not very long ago
After that I haven't gone swimming once because I was just scared
And honestly I don't think I am mentally able to handle me in a bikini with people whom I don't know around me
Like how should I deal with going swimming in public when I can't even deal with going swimming privately, alone, u wanna tell me that?
And I know I should just be like "just don't think abt what others think and that it doesn't matter how I look" and all that but it's not that easy yk
I wish it would be that easy pls that would make my life 1000x easier
But anyways
I am not ready to go swimming 🤣
Anyways I think I'm gonna take my music box with me just to annoy the ppl around me yuhh👹
Gonna play hey tayo all day I'm telling you
Also please I am currently crying out of anger because my brother won't shut thebfucj up like I have bite marks on my fingers because I have to keep myself from start yelling at him, getting up and punching and hurting the shit out of that fucking brat it's not even funny anymore like go to fucking sleep it's almost 1am and my mom already came into our room several times just to tell us to shut.up even tho it's just him talking and annoying me so that I go crazy and me trying not to burst at him while telling him to shut the hell up
And the fact that I'm hungry too isn't making anything better
Anyways
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Anyways have a great day ig SHSJDHSHSH
YOU ARE READING
random stuff, personal notes, etc.
Randomhi lol uh idrk what to write here- uh I'm posting like, random things and stuff here, and abt the progress of my book that i write, and like Yeah this shit is, now that I finished ohshc and cry when I think abt it, kinda my new coping method DHSJDHS...
