Subway of Cyberspace (a love beyond internet) ✓

29

Chapter 29

I'M STILL wide awake not because of the wind banging in my window and the heavy rains and thunders outside. It's because of tonight, I get to express what I wanna say.

I did come back for him. I know that when I accepted Taramia's offer, the cruel world will let us cross our paths again. Iniimagine ko na sasampalin ko s'ya kapag sinabi ko sa kanya yung totoo, na magagalit ako ng sobra, parang sa pelikula, kapag sinabi na yung side aabot sa hampasan. But looking at his sincere eyes and voice the hunger of truth, I explained it as calm as possible kase ayokong umiyak sa harap n'ya.

I long for him. I miss him so much that when I saw him again, I let him touch me like he didn't make me a fool.

We are both stupid. I miss him so much. I tried to love again but I can also see him in somebody else. Despite of that, there's still this something pulling me away from him. I can't love him like I did yesterday. That's not  easy. Kailangan kong masurvive yung time na ito. I made a promise to my brothers that I'll only spent two years here at babalik na ako sa Nashville para magtrabaho. I'll stay there for good.

But things messed up.

Sinilip ko lang ang orasan ko saka mahinang napamura. Malapit na mag-alas dose at hindi pa ako natutulog. Kukulangin ako ng oras bukas. Malapit na pa naman na ang summer fest.

Napabalikwas ako ng bangon. Thinking I should know his side. Hindi na ito kayang ipagpabukas. Kaso baka tulog na s'ya. Pero parang hindi pa. Kakaalis pasok lang namin sa kwarto ten minutes ago. Malakas pa ang hangin at ang ulan.

Napatigil ulit ako sa pintuan. What really happened? Why did I have to leave?

I took a deep breath and nagbakasakaling nasa labas uli s'ya ng kwarto ko. Pero pagbukas ko wala s'ya doon. I came closer to his room. Pinakiramdaman ko ang kwarto n'ya. Tahimik. Tulog na yata.

The stupidest thing I ever done was I knocked! Hindi ko alam! Bigla na lang ako kumatok! Tuloy para akong tangang nagwawala sa labas na gustong pumasok uli sa kwarto pero ayaw. Tatakbo sana ako kaso huli na at nabuksan na ang pinto. He's doesn't seems that comes from sleep. He's still awake.

"Need something?" Tanong n'ya.

"I need you...to tell me your side."

"Like now?"

"Oo, dahil hindi ako pinapatulog ng konsensya ko. Gusto kong malaman ngayon." Pagdedemand ko. "Even just...slices of sides you wanna share."

He open the door wide telling me to come in. Pumasok ako syempre, bahay ko ito. Naupo ako sa upuan at s'ya naman ay nag-indian sit sa kama.

"I did date Pia while chatting on you. I thought I can drive away my feelings at mainlove uli sa kanya. Know why? I told myself can't be your first love." Panimula n'ya.

"Why?"

"Because I have many girls around, I'm good at deceiving people. I'm good at reading people. I love seeing people in my traps. Nasa cyberspace pa lang gusto na kita. I love the way you understand me too. Your honesty. But I'm not sure to you. So I dated Pia who's really still into me that time."

"You're such a jerk and a shit."

"I know...I know," he sigh, "The first time we met in the train, I know I will dump you and make your heart break. You're a child. I'm a shit. You can't fall inlove with me. But look, the second time around, I thought I am trapping you, look how faith played me. I was the one caught off gaurd. I began to like you a lot. I shouldn't even told my friends about you kase I consider you as a fling."