February Ashes

closure pt. I

It's been a long time and I still feel the rage.

I still can't even read your name.

Without "accidentally" spelling out pain.

It wasn't right the way everything ended.

And it looks like now you're starting to comprehend it.

Because I see how frequently you tweet about me, and all the little subliminal messages you hint towards me

Don't treat me like just another assignment you procrastinate on.

I don't give a fuck anymore, so you can stop whatever game you're on.

I hope you feel guilty.

I hope everyday you put on your shirt inside out.

I hope your knees ache, and have no one to reach out.

I hope you go through the same pain you put me through.

I hope you lose your job in the first two weeks.

And I hope your grades crash down.

Wait, they're already underground.

But your next year's grades.

I hope every time you dream, I will appear and turn it into a nightmare.

And every time you reach out under your desks there's spiderwebs.

I hope every time you talk in front of a crowd your voice cracks.

I hope every single one of your fingernails turns black.

I hope you never get to understand anything from your science class, and then realize you can't call me to save your ass.

I hope when you go to the beach, you lose a piece of clothing, and that a bird shits on your towel.

And I hope when you go home, you can't wash the sand out of your hair in the shower.

I hope when you order something online, the package gets lost.

I hope you never get to be someone else's number one.

I hope you miss me and realize you can't get me back.

And when you stare at your ceiling at 3am

I hope you can't stop thinking about how much I loved you then.

I hope every time you text someone, the message doesn't go through.

And whenever you think of moving on, I'll achieve something new.

I hope my success will be what makes your days sour.

I hope the taste of my kiss lingers in your mind for hours.

I hope you know I threw away the letter that you wrote.

And I hope you soon realize that you are now without home.

I hope I'm the reason you cry at night during your sleepovers.

And realize that it's the closest thing you will get for closure.

Because you ruined me and brutally broke my heart.

And I hope you know nothing you ever do will ever fix that.

I'm glad you left.

Goodbye.