DWEO : Zhanyi MPREG

75. Last Song

 Yibo POV

'A tragic ending to the fairytale story'

The newspaper headline read; I threw it onto the bed. Zhan and I's relationship was anything but a fairytale, besides if it was a fairytale shouldn't we have gotten our happily ever after?

I smoothed my black dress thinking back. After Bill told me about Zhan's plane crash I'd spent a whole week not being able to sleep or eat. Stuck in a numb state, I guess a part of me was waiting for him to walk through the door. He never did. When they gave me the statement officially declaring Zhan dead, burnt beyond recognition, I came undone.

The hardest part was telling Sizhui and Lucy why their Daddy wasn't coming back, when even I couldn't bring myself to realize it.

Everyone has to die at some point, but it wasn't supposed to end like this. He and I were supposed to grow old together, die together. Now I was trapped in this nightmare I was never going to wake up from.

I sat on the dressing table, I couldn't recognize the man staring back at me in the mirror. This man in black with haunted eyes and a tearless face; When my dad died, I felt it. Felt the hollow emptiness in my life that confirmed that he really was gone forever. Why didn't I feel that now?

I guess that's the reason why even through the wrenching pain in every nerve of my body, no tears fell from my eyes. I didn't hear the knock on my door until it opened and Fufu stepped in, dressed in black too. "Its time." She said and I nodded got up and followed her out.

Today was the day of his funeral, the funeral of my heart.

YuBin drove and I sat in the back with Sizhui and I carried Lucy, I scrutinized Sizhui more. He was staring blankly out the window; he was old enough to understand what was happening around him. And the little sadness on his face was breaking my heart into a million pieces.

Try as I may to put him at ease and reassure him, I couldn't give him what he really wanted, what we both wanted.

When we got to the cemetery most people had arrived, I spotted mama and Lu Jie. They flew in from Luoyang a few days ago to support me; I was glad that they were here. They saw me and walked towards me. Mama embraced me "I can't tell you how sorry I 'am about Zhan's passing." She said and I nodded stiffly.

She meant well, everyone meant well but I was tired of all the sympathetic words, looks, and smiles. Lu Jie however didn't say anything she just tightly hugged me for a long while, she knew me well.

Ziyi and Zhoucheng followed suit, Zhoucheng also mimicked Sizhui's expression. He lost a best friend, someone whom he's known his whole life.  "I'm here for you my dear" Uncle Zhu said, my throat tightened at his kindness. 

He and his wife were the ones who took it upon themselves to arrange most of the funeral and everything else. I felt a little guilty at not acknowledging that they too were grief-stricken, they lost a son. All my attention had been on Sizhui and Lucy and on my own misery.

"Thank you so much for everything, really." I said fervently. I turned my gaze to Sizhui, who hasn't spoken a word since we arrived, "Can you give us a moment?" I asked Uncle Zhu, he nodded and left. Fufu took Lucy and went to sit down. I crouched down and stared at Sizhui who refused to meet my gaze.

"Sizhui, look at me." I said and he did reluctantly "Talk to me." I pleaded. He paused, "I miss Dad." He said and a tear rolled down his cheek, I wiped it away "I know, I miss him too." I said cupping his cheek "You know what he would say right now?" I asked and he shook his head.

"He would say; what are these two doing crying over me." I said and he slightly smiled "Yeah that sounds like Dad." He said and I forced a smile onto my face too. It felt weird like its been forever since last smiled. "We're going to get through this, together okay?" I asked and he nodded, I extended my arms and he came into them. "I love you." I added.

The service was beautiful and well put together, with flowers and pictures of Zhan from childhood gracing the entire gazebo. To me the whole proceedings went off in a blur but I mostly remembered Uncle Zhu and Fufu's emotional speeches.

"There's nothing in this world Zhan loved more than his family." He'd said fervently looking in our direction. The burial felt surreal as I watched his coffin get lowered into the ground, I was glad that Angie stayed with my kids at the gazebo.

The officiant guided us through prayer and I was the first one to step up and throw some dirt into the grave. I was suddenly hit with a memory,

I wish for my Yibo to stop being so stubborn...but most importantly to live a long and happy life with him.

I remembered Zhan and I throwing small rocks into the lake at our wedding, happy, laughing and hopeful for the future...

I didn't realize that I didn't move away until Ziyi put her arm around me and she moved the both of us aside. Others followed to pay their final respects. After the ceremony some people stated to leave, just then Bill and Officer Huacheng walked towards me. 

They offered their condolences, as did many people and I acknowledged cordially. Followed by A-li and A-mi who looked devastated, they hero-worshipped and love Zhan to the bone. Even Ryan came to offer some support. The next to come up to me were Uncle Four and Aunt K-Li.

"We're deeply saddened by your loss, Yibo." Aunt K-Li said and I nodded "Our sincere condolences." Uncle Four added with a sad smile that I didn't return.

"Thank you." I said "To be honest we both know that none of you ever really did care about Zhan, but thank you for coming. Your presence is greatly appreciated." I added. I didn't have time to scrutinize their reaction when I walked passed them. 

I didn't want to split any hairs nor did I feel guilty about what I said to them. It was the truth. Most people had left when I walked back to the gravesite. 

I crouched down and laid red tulips on top of a dozen other flowers. He used to love sending me red tulips at work, at home, everywhere. I never understood if there was a meaning behind that or them but I cherished it. Knowing that he was thinking of me whenever he sent them. I didn't use to have a favorite type of flower and he made me have one.

"Yibo?" Ziyi's voice came up from behind me; I turned around to find her. Zhoucheng was playing with my kids a few feet away from us. She hugged me "I thought we'd take those two for one evening." She said referring to Sizhui and Lucy "We thought you might need to rest." She added.

Just then they came to us "Are you guys okay with sleeping over at Ziyi and Zhoucheng's place?" I asked and they both nodded.

"Yeah" Sizhui said and I hugged him and kissed Lucy on the cheek. I nodded towards Zhoucheng and he left with them. Ziyi turned her gaze back to me "Are you going to be okay?" she asked slightly worried, I managed a tight smile for her. "Yeah, thanks." I said squeezing her hand.

"I'll bring them over tomorrow..." She said. I watched her walked away and disappear out of the cemetery. My gaze drifted back to the grave...

When I arrived back at the estate and entered the lounge the whole place seemed deserted and cold. I knew Fufu and Angela were here somewhere but I didn't look for them I just watched my whole surroundings as thought I'd never been here before. I watched everything with careful detail and a flurry of memories came to me all at once...

Zhan and I kissing in the kitchen, cuddling on the sofas, Sizhui running around the dining room, Lucy's first steps...I gasped wrapping my arms around my torso. Whatever little numbness I had vanished and I was suddenly aware of everything around me. It is like someone flicked on the light and my grip on reality was suddenly very sharp. 

After today that was it, if my subconscious refused to believe it before, it did now. Zhan was gone forever and he was never coming back. I started panting and my hands trembled as tears finally came flooding down my face. 

The scream of terror that had been bottled up deep inside me ripped out of my throat and I threw the first thing I could find. I threw and threw and threw, crying and screaming.

"Yibo! Yibo!" Fufu shouted "Stop!" she grabbed my shoulders stopping me. I slumped onto the floor and Fufu sat beside me holding me as I violently sobbed. "It's going to be okay dear." She said through her own tears, rubbing my back comfortingly.

I shook my head "He's gone Fufu, he's gone..." I repeated to her until my voice was just a whimper.

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