DWEO : Zhanyi MPREG

76. Try

Yibo POV

"I love you Zhan, and that's not going to change, I realize that now," I whispered with conviction. "What happened to not getting attached to me?" he teased and I leaned towards him.

"Lost cause" I muttered, kissing his neck "You made it so hard not to Mr. Xiao it was hardly fair" I added smiling and he pressed his lips to mine....

My eyes flew open and I cursed inwardly, rolling out of bed as it burnt me. My feet got tangled in the duvet and I fell onto the floor on my knees. I pinched the bridge of my nose and breathed through my mouth, which always helped when I refused to cry. I cursed again at the pain in my chest, another goddamn dream about him again. 

My mind was my worst enemy, it gave me what I wanted...what I needed at night and it would take it away the moment the sun came up. Ripping open barely healed wounds. I thought I was getting better at evading dreams about him, but they would hit me effortlessly and I would come undone every time. 

I chuckled without humor realizing that I was also getting better at holding myself together, how ironic.

I stood up and turned off the alarm clock before it could beep for 6 am. Or maybe time was my worst enemy. Because no matter what one was feeling, no matter what one was going through. It ticked, unsympathetic and uncaring. It ticked on.

It's been a year and a half since the funeral since I last felt alive; I lived but I never felt alive.

Sometimes I wished I could evaporate or fade into nothingness, but how could I when I had two beautiful kids to look after? I had to live, if not for me then for Sizhui and Lucy, they needed their mother. I gave my undivided attention to them; they were the only reason I still woke up in the morning. I played with the ring on my finger as I walked to the bathroom.

I finished pouring Lucy's cereal and I watched her eat, I sipped my coffee. I smiled to myself, she now insists on picking her own clothes. A-li and A-mi's influence no doubt, plus she loved playing mannequin for them. As I looked at my necklace on her. I gave it to her when she turned four, five months ago. 

Like my mother described the act was instinctual, I had no control over it. I just knew it was time to hand it over; she loved it of course. I silently hoped that she never discovered her powers. That she'd be among the ones that never came into their powers. My necklace was a blessing and a curse, but more so a blessing because it brought me Zhan...

I stopped my train of thinking and focused on something else, just then Sizhui came running down the stairs with his books over his shoulder. "Overslept again?" I teased and he grinned at me grabbing some bacon. He was in his 2nd grade this year.

"Serves him right for thinking he's old enough to wake himself up." Fufu teased coming into the kitchen. Sizhui frowned "That's because I 'am, duh?" he said, "No your not." Lucy said sticking her tongue out at him and he glared at her.

"Okay, enough you two." I said slightly amused, I think they both get a kick out of annoying each other "Finish up or we're going to be late." I added checking my watch. I normally drove them to school before going to work; sometimes Jeffery did it whenever I couldn't. But I always made sure that I could.

They said goodbye to Fufu and ran towards the garage and into the M- Class. I drove Lucy to her kindergarten first then carried on 29 blocks towards Sizhui's school; I parked next to the sidewalk and he turned to me. "Oh mom, don't forget there's that parent-teacher meeting today." He said and I nodded "I didn't forget baby." I said. He quickly brightened and got out of the car.

I watched him go, Sizhui never wants to be underestimated. Like his father he prided himself at being fearless and formidable even at such a young age. He was the spitting image of Zhan, sometimes when I looked into his eyes it felt like I was looking straight into Zhan's. It cut me to the bone sometimes.

I drove to work, that was another thing that kept me sane. I drew as much from it as I could, preoccupying myself meant that I had little time to let my mind wander. And I knew and felt the consequence of letting that happen.

My drive to work harder had boosted the department's turnover dramatically last year and I got promoted to head of marketing. Abby was my second in command. 

I checked my time and went out of my office, and into Abby's "Hey I'm going to that meeting with Sizhui's teacher, can you hold off until I come back?" I asked in the doorway. She looked up from her computer "Sure, go ahead." She said, "Grab my favorite cupcakes when you come back." She added and I nodded.

When I got to Sizhui's school, some kids had already left. I found him sitting in the hallway "Hey, am I late?" I asked and he shook his head. "My class is the third door down the hallway." He said and I rubbed his head. When I got in a lady slightly younger than me stood up and greeted me. 

Introducing herself as his class teacher,  I was surprised to find that I was the only one in the class as she offered me a seat. She must've noticed me looking around because she said "Oh I do these things individually, I found that it's more effective when I focus on one child's progress at a time. And the parents feel more at ease."

I nodded, and she proceeded to do so. Explaining Sizhui's behavior and overall performance in class. "Mr. Xiao your son is very bright, in fact, some of the things we do are too 'easy' for his thinking capabilities. I spoke to the relevant people and they agreed to have him jump to 4th grade next year." She said.

"Did you tell him that?" I asked; she nodded "How does he feel about it?" "He seems excited about it, we'll make it happen if we get your go-ahead." She said and I nodded.

"Of course, do it." I said immediately, as long as its what Sizhui wants. She smiled and went to her desk retrieving a page "I had them write an essay about anything they wanted, and he wrote about you. I thought you might like to see it." She said handing the page to me. I was surprised and delighted,

His topic read; 'Best mom in the world'. I couldn't help but smile and chuckle at some of the sweet and quirky things he wrote about me. My brows furrowed as I read a paragraph where he talked about Zhan's death and how he feels about its effect on our family and me.

When he's sad, I'm sad he wrote.

Sizhui has always been a perceptive little boy, could he possibly see some of my pain? I tried to conceal it for Lucy and his sake, and according to his essay, I was not doing a pretty good job at it. I sighed inwardly; I wondered why he brightened up whenever I joked around or laughed. 

He cherished the moments when I looked happy because I hardly ever did?

When he's sad, I'm sad the words echoed in my head. "Mr. Xiao?" the woman asked and my gaze lifted to her "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I said handing the page back to her "That was lovely." I said and she nodded. She said a couple more things and then she ended the meeting.

I thanked her and walked back out, Sizhui stood up when he saw me "What did she say?" he asked; I smiled. "That you're a bright young man, who's going to 4th grade next year." I said.

He fist-pumped the air in excitement "Really?" he asked and I nodded, he wrapped his arms around my waist "Thanks mom." I paused then stroked his hair "How about we go grab a celebratory burger?" I said and he grinned and nodded.

"Lets go get your sister first." I said as we went outside.