DWEO : Zhanyi MPREG

77. Letting Go

Yibo POV

I crouched down and put flowers next to the tombstone that was unveiled months ago. My kids were back home and I decided to stop by here on my way to Ziyi's place. It was his birthday today. If he were still here we would've been celebrating his birthday.

"We miss you." I whispered, standing up. It hasn't been easy without him on either of us, but they say life goes on. Even if going on feels as hard as fighting gravity itself.

Don't be afraid he would whisper to me and hold me whenever he haunted my dreams I love you Yibo, everything's going to be okay.

For a moment I would believe that; that everything was okay, until morning came and he disappeared. I turned and walked out of the cemetery and got in my car. I thought back to the conversation I had with Mama before they left for Luoyang a week after the funeral.

"How are you holding up?" She asked scrutinizing me; I grimaced

"I'm okay, sometimes." I said, and she smiled sadly "I know it hurts." She said. I swallowed the lump in my throat; I doubted she knew exactly how much it hurt. "How did you do it, mama? Move on from Dad?" I asked, because I had no clue where to go from here.

She sighed, "I never moved on from your father." She said then she paused; "But I couldn't wallow in grief forever." She added. "It was hard, but with time I found a reason to smile again, you and your siblings were that reason." She said slightly smiling.

"Hey, come on in." Ziyi said hugging me and I stepped into her nicely decorated lounge, Ziyi's taste in décor suited her well. "Is Zhoucheng around?" I asked; her relationship with him has blossomed since he got rid of his past gf, she had a glow to her and I was happy for her. She shook her head "It's just us only, remember?" she said, "How are you?" she asked.

"I'm fine." I said automatically, she didn't seem convinced but she didn't pry. She and I talked for a while, and she told me that Zhoucheng proposed to her. "And I said yes." She chimed and I genuinely smiled hugging her

"That's great Ziyi! I'm really happy for you." I said and she said thank you.

"That's not the only reason why I called you over." She said "How are you, really...and don't you dare feed me that whole I'm fine crap." She added. Taken aback I averted my gaze, she sighed "I know it's his birthday today." She said and I looked at her then and nodded "Yeah, it is." I said.

 She paused scrutinizing me then she threw her arms up "You know what, I don't care if you'll resent me for this later but someone has to do it." She said, I raised my eyebrow at her "Someone has to slap you out of this zombie state you're in." she added and I immediately understood what she meant.

She took a deep breath and shook her head sadly "You're here with us, you eat you breathe, you sleep, you do all the things the rest of us do. But you are dead inside my friend." She said. I dropped my gaze, she was right, a part of me died too and I didn't know how to fix that.

"You're being strong and knowing how much you loved that man I commend you." She said and my throat tightened as I looked at her. "You're being strong for Sizhui, Lucy and for everyone else; except you. You don't have to be strong for me though..." she gripped my arms "Its okay not to be okay when you're with me." She added and I saw tears well up in her eyes.

 She was trying to tell me and show me that it was okay to cry, and I did in what seemed like a long time. I let the tears silently fall down my face. "I'm trying." I said taking the tissue she handed to me "That's all I ever did since he died and I feel like I'm failing." I said.