DWEO : Zhanyi MPREG

81. Decisions

 Yibo POV

I sat on the edge of the fountain in the garden, watching the water cascade from the tri-level beautifully carved marble. It gave off an air of peace and tranquility, a state I was far from being. I slowly peeled off red tulip petals into the water, watching them flow down.

I didn't know how to feel with what Zhan just told me, all this time he was alive all along. I didn't know weather to be happy and grateful that he's alive and safe, or angry that he took himself away from me. I'd told him that my safety means nothing if I didn't get to be with him.

But it wasn't just my safety in the equation; it was Sizhui and Lucy's too. I shuddered at the thought of those psychopaths coming after my kids. I understood to an extent why Zhan felt the need to do this; I would willingly risk my safety but not my children's. 

I dipped my hand into the water sighing, Chuck and Frank are gone now but we will never truly be safe. Not while he is still an agent, there would always be people who would see him as a potential threat. It might have been easier to do this when a family wasn't in the picture. 

Now he has me and children who make him vulnerable, and because of that we would be easy targets. I can't live without him, but I can't live in fear of losing him or my kids.

What was I going to do now, give him an ultimatum? Make him choose? I never wanted that. I continued to peel until only two petals remained "He loves you." I looked up to see Zhan a few feet away from me; I didn't hear him approaching.  I realized what I was doing and understood his statement.

"You look angry." He said and turned my gaze back to the water "Do I?" I said; was that how I looked from the outside? Because on the inside I was feeling more than one emotion, he paused.

"When you say you waited, where were you?" I asked, when my life fell apart I thought.

"The agency disputed me staying in the country so I went to Ireland. I had a disguise, a new identity..."

"A new life?" I interrupted, looking at him and his eyes tightened

"I never had a life outside of you and our kids. There wasn't a second that went by that I didn't think of you." He said fervently, I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Is it safe to come closer?" he asked, an intended joke but humor was nowhere in his eyes or voice. I shrugged standing up "I might kill you." I said, "I'll take my chances." He said walking towards me.

He stopped in front of me, he stroked my cheek with sad eyes; I held his wrist "Fufu told me. I can't tell you how sorry I 'am for everything you went through" he said quietly.

My gaze shifted, I heard the conversation he had with Fufu. She was not that far off from the truth but what I experienced was tenfold what she and everyone else fathomed. I removed his hand gently "I can't do this anymore Zhan...I can't keep losing you and getting you back, only to lose you over again..." I said watching him exhale in a rush. "There's only so much I can take." I added sadly.

I watched him kneel in front of me keeping his arms around my waist, he leaned his forehead against my abdomen. "I know what you're going to say. Don't." He quietly beseeched,

"What am I going to say?" I whispered, stroking his black hair and puzzled by his reaction. It hit me then and my eyes widened; he thought I was leaving him. He was on his knees begging me to stay. 

"God no Zhanzhan, get up please." I said, he did reluctantly and I hugged him. He caught me in his arms in a bear hug "Has Ireland driven you crazy?" I asked nuzzling my cheek against his. How could he think I would ever leave him? Needing him as much as I do?

"Probably." He said and I felt him inhale my hair "I can't lose you little one..."

"Shh, you're not losing me. Ever." I said. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him "You're the love of my life and the father of my children, I can't leave you." I whispered against him. After a while I let go and he put me down "Can't or won't?" he asked playing with my ring.

"Both..." I said quickly then paused "But?" He said my unspoken thought; he knew me all too well. "Please tell me." He said stroking my cheek "I'll do anything." He added and I slightly smiled "I know" I said. 

I took a deep breath "We're safe, for now. But as long as you're still an agent danger will always lurk. I need you here with me Zhan, Sizhui and Lucy need you too. I really don't want to put you in this position..."

"It's done." He said quickly and I paused shocked "What?" I asked "I told Bill that after I clean up this mess, I'm done for good." He said. "Just like that, didn't he protest?" I asked and he chuckled.

"He did, but he understands my reasons." He said, "There's nothing more important than being with you and my kids." He added softly, embracing me again.

"I love you, thank you." I whispered; he chuckled. "If my memory serves me well, I remember saying there's nothing I wouldn't do for you." He said, kissing my brow. I smiled "I recall you saying that." I added. 

He paused "I'm so sorry" he said and I sighed "You really need to stop that." I said then I grinned "Besides you have the rest of your life to make it up to me. And if my memory serves me right you're very good in that aspect." I added and he smiled. He planted sweet kisses all over my face and I giggled in pure delight.

"I'll try my hardest Bobo" He said.

Just then Sizhui came running into the garden, he stopped looked back and forth between Zhan and me. Then his wide eyes fixed on Zhan, I was guessing Lucy told him and by the look on his face he didn't believe her.

"Dad?" he asked, a strange emotion played across Zhan's features than he half smiled "Hey buddy." He said taking a step forward. He spread his arms and Sizhui came into them. Zhan picked him up embracing Sizhui as he silently cried; I stood there watching the heartfelt moment. 

 Wondering where on earth we found the strength to attempt to life without Zhan in it. Sizhui looked over his shoulder at me; I understood the unspoken question in his eyes 'Is it really him?' I nodded, swallowing back my own emotions. 

The slight smile he had made my heart ache. "You've been taking care of your Mom for me?" Zhan asked when he put him down and wiped his tears, Sizhui nodded and I smiled.

"That's my boy." He replied rubbing Sizhui's hair. "I missed you Dad." He said and Zhan gathered him into his arms again "I missed you too buddy."

Our family and friends as well as the rest of the world was shocked at Zhan's resurrection. Only a few of our friends and family could know the whole truth. To the public its known to be a case of mistaken identity, and the unit responsible for investigation of the accident publically 'apologized' to the family. The CIA thought out their plan very well, they knew how to cover their tracks, and they made sure no one questioned too intensely.

Zhan apparently returned months after the news of his death and he was spending all this time at his island recovering from the accident, with the secret knowledge of the family. That was the story given to the press and it seemed to slow down some speculations and media scrutiny.

A couple of weeks later everything went a little back to normal, both Zhan and I went back to work.

Despite the commotion surrounding us, in the confines of the estate its like nothing ever happened. Its like he never left, like there was never any heartbreak and grief. Like it was all just a bad dream.