The Way You Don't Look At Me

Chapter 30 - Let Me Move On

Waking up the next morning, i felt a wave of sadness run over me.

Because I woke up to a different person I woke up to three days ago.

I'd be lying if I said that last night didn't bring up a lot of old feelings and memories. But I don't know if rushing into something is something I want to do, especially when I haven't even given myself time to grieve what happened between Demi and I.

Demi and I.

The thought of the them made my heart feel like someone was reaching inside of my chest and squeezing it with all the strength they had.

As I think about it more, I realize that I truly have given myself time to grieve. Because I was right about what I said, I lost Demi the moment they went on that plane.  I knew it. I just didn't want to admit it. I lost Demi a long time ago.

With that being said, even though I knew subconsciously I lost Demi, it never changed my feelings for them. I was still so incredibly in love with them. And I still am.

I just don't know if I can bring myself to forgive what they did. I mean, I need to have more self respect than that, right?

But then I think about their smile. That infectious laugh that makes you smile the instant you hear it. The way they would get excited at the smallest thing. Their odd love for squirrels. Their voice. The way they touched me. The way they looked at me. The way they loved me.

I was looking up at the ceiling while thinking all of this and felt tears began to fall down the side of my face. I quickly composed myself when I hear Liv turn to her other side and face me. And I watched as her eyes flutter opened.

"Hey." She said softly.

"Hey"

"Last night was fun."

I smiled and moved a piece of hair out of her face. "Yeah, it was. Thank you."

Liv shook her head and scooted closer to me. "Don't thank me."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why?"

"Because I should be thanking you."

"You have nothing to thank me for"

"You didn't leave." She said quietly. I felt my eyes widen briefly at the shock of that statement. I sighed softly and kissed her head.

"So, what now?" She asked hesitantly.

I let out another side and ran my fingers through my hair, and looked back at the ceiling. I took a moment before shrugging my shoulders and turning my head to face her, shaking my head lightly.

"I don't know. I really don't. I'd be lying if I said last night didn't bring up a lot. But I just got out of a relationship. I just need a little time"

Liv nodded her head slowly. And cautiously went to wrap her arm around my waist, as if she was looking for permission.

I smiled and grabbed her hand, setting it on my waist and pulled her in so her head was on my chest.

"When do you leave?" Liv asked

"The 20th. But I'm only going to be gone a couple of days, then I'll be here for thanks giving, and depending on how my audition goes next week, maybe longer."