Deviants

Chapter 31

Johnny

Graveyards have never been disturbing to me. But maybe that's because a person who meant the world to me is buried in one. So, I don't feel out of place as I walk past the number of graves it takes before reaching my father's. After he had passed, I realize the reason my father was so broke all the time. It was because he had left a small fortune in mine and my sister's name, all of which I haven't touched aside to have gotten him a decent headstone. A dark marble one with his name, Devin Barlow, carved in a gold color. Mine and Jenny's names are carved below "beloved father of". I glance up and around the cemetery. Jenny's name is carved in another headstone somewhere in this field. How close where her and my father at their time of burial?

I look back down at Dad's gravestone, wanting to say something, but I never was one to talk while being alone. Not that I believe I am. I do believe in Heaven. But I decide to share everything with my father with my mouth remaining closed. I know he is most likely already aware of everything going on in my life anyway.

I stand from kneeling on the fading green grass. I walk around a few headstones, reading each name but Shadowfen Cemetery is quite large. It may take me a couple of hours to find her.

I look at my watch. Even with Dad, Jenny, and my mother on my mind, I still can't stop thinking about Kate. I've been apart from her for barely two days and I already feel miserable. How could I miss her so much? And why am I not talking to her? Even though it wouldn't quite be the same as seeing her or kissing her, if I messaged her, I would at least be able to express how I feel. But is it too early? I'm not even sure where she wants this relationship to go yet. I know where I want it to go. If it's too early for her then maybe she's not the one for me. The thought isn't very comforting.

I leave the cemetery around eleven and spend the next hour and a half driving away from Shadowfen and into the next town before stopping at a new diner to eat lunch. I know I'm procrastinating. That's what I was doing the whole trip down here, and eating dinner with Henry and Jenny, and taking extra long than usual to sip at my coffee and wondering the cemetery. Who would've thought little brothers could be so intimidating? A recovering addict? How recovered?

I'm not able to finish my lunch, loosing my appetite almost immediately. I take a long drink of water before standing and walking out, the waitress giving me a stink eye. I drive around Soribus town until I finally find myself in a trailer park. My throat becomes dry as I glance at the numbers on the trailers. I had immediately memorized the address of my mother's current home, but it seems the closer I get the more I seem to dread it. She had torn my dad apart. She hadn't only taken Jenny away from him, she had taken Jenny away from me.

I continue to think of all the reasons that I should just turn Vincent around and return to Shadowfen. She wanted nothing to do with me after my father had died even though she very well could've fought for me. I was still underage.

Then I recognize the messy yard of the trailer Ace had sent a picture of. The sun burnt toddler play toys that lay forgotten. The broken swing set meant for young kids. The grass that has become overrun with weeds and dead leaves. The two bikes that were thrown onto the lawn in the picture- if it can still be considered a lawn- are no longer there, probably because it's school hours. The broken down, rusted 1974 Dodge truck with shattered windows, and a run down 1996 red Mercury which is most likely running on fumes wasn't shown in the picture. I push my glasses up my nose. Does this mean someone is home? My mother? When would be a good time to approach her? It is in the middle of a Friday. Did she just come home for lunch? Or does she take shifts at some gas station? She looked like the woman to take shifts at a place like a gas station or Wal Mart.

I swallow the lump in my throat before pressing on the gas and speeding out of the street, out of Soribua town, almost too quickly, my breath and heart seems to be left behind me. The cold wind doesn't seem to have an effect on me until I reach my hotel back in Shadowfen and flop on my bed, running the image over in my mind.