Deviants

Chapter 72

Jesse

It's as if fate wanted us to run into each other. Because I don't often walk around campus in the middle of the night, and I would imagine neither does she. But there is something different about her. It's when I call to her and she actually jumps- which I have never seen her do before. I understand what's different in that moment. It is her stance, which is usually tall and confident. But tonight, right now, she seems worn to the bone. Tired, weak, fragile.

She sits in the middle of the campus, between all four buildings, staring dead ahead of her at nothing, just like she was in the forest.

"What are you doing here?" She asks in a voice that doesn't even sound like her own. I sit next to her.

"Couldn't sleep," I say, which is true. It seems to get more and more difficult to sleep knowing the things of I.O.E. The world feels a lot heavier and there are so few people trying to support the weight. She doesn't say anything, and I wonder how her trip in Wyoming went. I never actually heard anyone say when she'd be back. I haven't been alone with her since our kiss in the woods, which I know she was the cause of that. She opened for such a short time and then closed herself off to me.

"How was your trip to Wyoming?" I ask.

"A failure," she mutters. She still doesn't sound like herself. She sounds stern, strong, determined. But her shoulders slouch with anything but. Will she open up to me again? Right now?

"Can this do-you-now smile make you feel better?" I tease. I watch the corner of her lips twitch. She turns her head. Something even about her eyes are different but in the dark, it's impossible to tell.

"I don't think so, Britain," she whispers. "Not this time. Nothing will." My heart seems to ache for her, but maybe it just aches for her smile, her blush that I saw after our kiss. So I lean in. Not so fast this time. I take it slow. But when our lips connect, she seems deepen it with desperation. My stomach doesn't twist. I don't have anything to feel guilty about with this kiss, and I like it that way. She pulls away, almost reluctantly, before sighing and standing. "We shouldn't be here," she says, her back facing me. It confuses me.

"I'm so conflicted by you, Raven," I say. I notice her fists clench. A humorless chuckle escapes her lips and she suddenly spins around. I'm shocked by the rage in her face. It seems to surround her and everything around her.

"Conflicted?" She whispers, a deadly whisper. I stand, wanting to get every word she has to say. "Conflicted?! You don't know what conflicted is!" She nearly shouts. She turns from me, but I don't say anything. I want her to continue. "Conflicted is..." She shakes her head and groans. She looks at the forest almost longingly. She makes a move towards it but seems to change her mind before turning to look at me. "Conflicted is loving someone who is morally gray!" She says, her voice raised. "Conflicted is loving someone who is black and white. Conflicted is being morally gray yourself! Conflicted is repeatedly waking up to the realization that the person you love and idealize isn't morally gray at all but is completely wicked." Her voice is soft now, sad. "Conflicted is finding where your loyalty should shift, even if that means you risk losing your sanity. Conflicted... Conflicted is realizing that your actions where never justified... and that one day you will have to face up to the things you've done... and that it can destroy you." Her voice trailers off, she stares at me and I at her.

"It sounds like you're caught in between two... sort of like how I am caught in between May Eve and Raven," I say quietly. It's silent for a long moment. So long that I wonder if she is done talking.

"R-A-E-V-O-N," she whispers. I step closer to her. "Raevon," she says. I understand her.

"Raevon," I confirm. I grab her hand and pull her to me, connecting our lips. Her tongue twists with mine and she pulls away as my heart races.

"Who am I?" She asks, her head held low, her eyes closed and her cheeks warm, as if she blushes. We stand so close to each other; her scent of rain seems to surround us.

"Raevon. You've never been anyone else," I say. She lifts her head, continuing our kiss. In the moment, it was just that. A kiss. But she grabs at me, desperate, but not the bad kind. When I find ourselves in the backseat of my car, I realize that she touches me, kisses me, loves me, with the desperation to be loved. As if she's never had this kind of love before. It makes me feel in control, it makes me feel confident. The love all feels so real, so around us. So clear that there are no hidden motivations, no lust, no fakeness. It's just us.

A/N:

I'm sorry if this chapter seems cheesy or weird and I wasn't sure how to get the ball rolling. I didn't want their scene to be too detailed you know? Because sometimes details ruin things, so tell me what you all think. Was it cute? Stupid? Forced?