Once in a lifetime.

32

August

Tori came over for the day, and I couldn't be more excited. It feels like it's been forever since I've hung out with her, just her and I. No bad days, no need to cry, just handing out. Not that any of those are bad, but I miss just sitting and laughing with my best friend. Throughout high school, she felt like the only person I truly had. Sure I had my ballet friends, but we never spent time together out of ballet. She and I are very different, yet, sometimes it's like we are the same person. We each had our own struggles and we often responded to those struggles the same way. We talk a lot alike, we act a lot alike, and while our relationship was filtered on us cracking jokes at each other and calling each other names we both knew that when stuff got difficult we could run to each other. And right now, stuff was getting pretty difficult.
When Tori walks in the first thing she does is drop her green purse and walk to the fridge.
"No need to say hi," I said stepping aside.
"You know I love you, but I also love your food. What did you always tell people about me."
I roll my eyes. "That you only use me for my food, and for my wifi."
Tori pokes her head out from the fridge and smiles, "Right. So, where's the pizza." And that does it. I smile for the first time in weeks.
The pizza arrives ten minutes later and Tori and I have only brushed the surface of our twilight movie marathon. We both hate twilight, it sucks, the acting is horrible and the relationship between Bella and both guys is underdeveloped and lackluster. But that doesn't mean we can't still watch it to make fun of it.
"So, how's Dalton?" Tori asks right before a big bite of pizza.
I enter the room carrying a coke and the ranch for her pizza, I never said we ate alike.
"I umm. Actually haven't heard from him in a while." I don't look at her because I know the look she's giving. It's a mix of pissed at him, pissed at me, and shocked all at once.
She drops her pizza into the box and that's what I know I'm in for it. Her whole body turns to face me. "He hasn't called you?"
"Not recently no." I take my place next to her and I suddenly become very interested in what's on my pizza. Tori pauses the movie and poor bells look like she's about to poop her pants.
"You're kidding me."
"Now now. Before you go into that whole, 'all men are assholes' speech, let me explain."
"Jules....it's not a speech," she says shaking her head and putting her hand up to stop me. "I literally just say 'all guys are assholes.' I normally don't even say why." I look at her, and she looks at me, and we see straight through one another.
It doesn't take long for me to spill about Dalton. I'm not weak, I just think Tori makes me feel comfortable enough to actually feel what I should. I spend so much of my time in a cave, pretending to be okay, pretending like I'm happy with myself and my life, when really, I'm not. I tend to only be happy for only 20 percent of the day. It's not that Tori doesn't make me happy, it's more of me, I feel so natural around her she doesn't change my mood. Not that she can't gems make my day better, but it's nice to have someone to just be myself around. Sure, we are always laughing or yelling at each other, and I'd never give her up for anything, but just because she's my best friend and I'd get hit by a semi for her doesn't mean she has the power to change my mood. And in reality, you control your mood, no one else does. "Wait so you guys...." Her eyes grow wide and I look down giving her the answer without verbally giving her the answer. "What does that mean then?"
"What does what mean?l
"You know what I'm talking about."
"Do I?
She rolls her eyes, "God Jules, what happened between you two? What does it mean."
"I don't know!" I yell at her. "Why do you think I was avoiding the question?"
"Well, I couldn't tell if you were being stupid or just avoiding so don't yell at me!" She yells back.
"Wow so now I'm stupid?"
"Shut up you know what I meant." And she's right, I did. She knows that I've been thinking about what's going to happen between him and me for forever. She knows that's all I've been thinking about. "What if something happens."
"Like what?"
"Like....a life form?"
"Like a baby?" She rolls her eyes. I laugh, "No way."
"It only takes once." I shake my head. "Do you think he'd come home?" Home, like Texas?
"I'm done talking about this." The thought overflows me with worry because I don't know what I do or what he'd do if I were to end up pregnant. I look back at the pizza, not that I was going to eat tonight but now I really can't bring myself to do it.
"My mom is getting remarried." Tori suddenly blurts out after my whole sepal. My head slowly turns in her direction.
"What? how did you even find that out?"
She says nodding. "My dads a judge Jules,"
"Wait so he told you?" She just nods. "Does Johnny know?"
"I mean he told us at dinner so,"
"What a jerk." I chew the side of my cheek. "How did Johnny react?"
"We'll out of the kindness of my dad's heart he also told us she's pregnant." My mouth drops. "So he's not really taking being abandoned for a second time really well."
"Asshole, both of them."
"She invited me to the wedding."
I shake my head trying to sort through all the new information. "Are you going to go?"
She shrugs. "Hmm." We fall into silence.
"How do you feel?"
"I mean, she's my mom," she scratches her cheek which tells me there was a tear there that she didn't want me to see. "I would have liked to see her at least one more time. I know Johnny would have liked to meet her before she just decides to ignore her old life." I don't know what to say so I just touch her knee. After a second she breaths out a long sigh, "But she's gone now so it's whatever." This is Tori's way of shutting down, it's her way of putting all her emotions into a chest and shoving it so far under the bed that you'll really have to dig to get them back out. I don't like it, I don't want her to do it, but I also know if I dig she'll just get upset. I get it cause I do it, I know we'll unpack that chest later, just....way later. When life seems less rough. If life ever seems less rough.
"Jules I don't know Dalton as well as you do, but I know you love him. I can tell, you're a strong woman, and no matter what you'll figure it out, and no matter what I'll be here either way at the end of the day with Dalton or without Dalton."
My eyes fill with tears, it's nice to know that someone's on my side no matter what.
"Thanks, Tori."
She picks up her pizza again and takes a bite shrugging before she says, "No problem, oh and if he hurts you I have first dibs on ripping off his d..."
I shriek. "VICTORIA!"
She starts laughing and presses play on the movie. "Jacob though,"
"That wolf blood."
"I'd howl for him." Tori starts howling and we fall over laughing.