Once in a lifetime.

⚠️11

February

Juliet

"You've only been here three days and you've already got me pulled back into your trap."
"My trap?" It came out as a laugh.
"Yes trap."
"Is it a nice trap? Does it have cookies?" Now I'm laughing. Sometimes I forget how good it feels to be with Dalton. Not just physically, but just talking, just being with him.
"The trap is alright I guess, I mean overall I can't complain." He nods slightly his stupid grin still plastered to his face. "What?"
"Nothing, just the fact that you said trap. You can't get out of a trap unless the person who has trapped you lets you out. Does that mean that in Texas you won't go running away screaming?"
"That is still undecided."
"Hmm. Well." He slays glancing at me when we stop at a light. "I don't know about you but I'm kind of terrified to bring you home."
"Why?"
"Ugh, there is just a lot there, a lot of pain and things I've run from."
I can't stand the thought of having to deal with ex-girlfriends of a guy I'm barely dating. "People? You've ran from?"
"Yes, but not in the way you think. I ran from my grandma's death, from my family, like I said I haven't been back to even tell them that you said no to my engagement. I've basically ghosted my whole family, the only person I haven't is my mom, and that's only because she will psycho call me if I don't answer."
"Your mommy." I smile but he doesn't smile back. He just continues.
"My younger sister Lilith and I use to be best friends but I haven't answered any of her texts or calls in months."
I consider this for a second, I'm not the only one he ran away from. He ran away from his family too. The song he sang to me begins to replay in my mind, something about hating himself and never feeling like enough. I know better than maybe anyone what that feels like. We've agreed to forget the past, to start over, and to do that I need to forgive him for hurting me. Whether or not he meant to. "Well, I'm in your trap remember? I can't leave unless you want me to."
He looks back to the road, "It's not that simple."
I feel his mood change as if it's like the weather, slowly but noticeably.
"Hey, I say trying to get him to look at me."
His tone is tight. "Hey."
"What is it?"
He shakes his head, I'm not sure if it's a no, a never mind, or an I regret even bringing it up.
"It's nothing." He lets out a long breath.
"What?" I try and lighten the mood. "Do you have a secret wife somewhere? An arranged marriage by parents? Will I have to fight to the death to prove my love for you?" I'm trying to lift his spirits, and show him that it won't be so bad.
"No, nothing like that."
"Then what? Nothing can be as bad as fighting to the death."
"Never mind I don't want to talk about it."
"Hey! That's kind of not fair, I've let you back into my life. Let me into yours."
"Can we just wait till Frisco? I don't want to talk about this anymore." His whole mood has changed and I'm confused.
"No, I don't want to. I want you to tell me now so I can flee if it's too much." He's quiet. "Babe, I'm joking."
"But that's what I'm afraid of."
"Me joking?"
He huffs. "No, you, fleeing. You decide that I'm not worth it or it's too much. I think that's part of the reason why I proposed without showing you where I lived, I was so happy and I was scared that when you saw a part of my past, that you would change your mind."
I don't let go of his hand, but I'm quiet, thinking.
"Well," I say not looking at him. "If you can't scare me away by ignoring me for months even after you found out I was pregnant, I think whatever it is will be okay. But I do want to know, not because I'm going to leave but because I care about you. That song back there at the hotel, it showed me what you were going through when we were apart, and I don't want you to have to go through that alone ever again. I love you Dalton and I want to know everything about you because I plan on marrying you one day." He pulls into Aaron and Eleanor's driveway, taking the space Aaron's car usually sits. Putting the car in Park he lets go of my hand, clenching and unclenching his fingers.
"I have bipolar disorder." He starts slowly. "I was diagnosed at the age of 8 and we tried a lot of medications to 'fix it', but a lot of them backfired and I had to be taken out of school because I missed so much. I started getting homeschooled because I was too far behind." I sat so still I wasn't even sure if I was breathing. "It's manic and depression one, so basically I feel really happy, for a while and then I can get really sad. I think that's part of the reason why I disappeared from you off and on when I talked to you I was fine, and when I didn't....."
I don't know what to do, I've heard of bipolar disorder but I've only seen it in movies where the person goes from happy to angry in a flash. I think back to the song he sang today and I start to understand him a little more. "My grandma gave me a guitar and lessons when I was eleven and I fell in love with it, the actual guitar itself and the music. I begged my mom to sign me up for 'School Of Rock' to learn more about music and explore my passion for it. I actually met Cayden and Will there."
"'Fly Away Sunshine'." I interrupted taking his hand again. I can do that, take his hand, hold it, he looked at our hands. "Dalton I was obsessed with you"
His laugh is deep. "Was." I push his shoulder playfully. "Anyways, so when I was 14 I heard about how they were doing a nationwide search looking for boys to be in a new boy band. I was already homeschooled so studies and time weren't much of an issue. Most of the guys had no idea and still have no idea that I struggled with anything, I'm pretty sure they just think I'm some big-headed kid thinking he's a rock star when I'm locking myself in my room."
"Why don't you just tell them?"
His head fell back against the headrest. "I was scared, it was almost easier for them to think I was an ass. Then I met you." His eyes met mine again. "And I was on a roll, I hadn't had an episode in a month and I thought things were finally looking up. I thanked God for the day I met you. And I was okay for a little while longer, but as time went on, I had a slip-up." I looked down at our hands now and smiled. "I know I said I didn't want to talk about the past anymore, but I am really sorry for everything I put you through. In the end, when you broke up with me I figured it was for the best, I was just going to hurt you anyways, it was better for you to walk away. I knew I should fight for you, and I wanted to fight for you please believe me." I brought his hand up to my cheek and made him cradle my face. "I was just so scared. I tried to forget everything, you, the baby, us. And I failed, miserably. I even flirted with other girls," My eyes flash to his, he was looking at the top of his car. "Nothing ever happened, and when she would go in to kiss me or when I would think about kissing her I would feel sick, and it made me angry because you ruined me. I didn't want anyone else, and I think that's what hurt the most when I heard all your voice mails and when Cayden told me what happened. What hurt the most is that I could have been there, I was missing you so much and I was miserable without you and I know that if I would have just tried a little harder..."
"Stop," I say, because I can't hear it, and I don't want to.
"If I would have fought for you..."
"Dalton," I reach across my coat making a sliding noise, and grab his chin making him look at me. "I don't want to hear it. I love you, and you're here now, that's what I want to focus on." His faze dropped to my stomach.
"I know you blame yourself but I blame myself too."
I wiggle myself up on my knees and I kiss him. He keeps himself still letting me take the lead, breaking away I drunkenly climb over the center council and settle my knees on both sides of his thighs. I kiss him again, this time my hands explore his face trying to show and maybe prove to him that I forgive him. My stomach lurched and I pulled away fast. I hissed in the air, my hand clutching my stomach. I groan in pain as my stomach twists.
"What?! What is it? Are you okay? What hurts?"
I tried to breathe but every breath brings pain, constant pain.
"Juliet please talk to me." He cups my cheeks in his hands as tears run down my face.
"I don't......" I gasp "know what's going on."
"We're going to the hospital."
"Oh no." I try to move off of him so I don't embarrass myself even more as I feel something wet making its way out of me.
"Don't move!" He yells at me trying to figure out what to do.
"I....I have to get.....off your....agh." I hold my stomach with both hands now falling into Dalton.'s chest. The pain burns, it's pinching, tearing, peeling, and suffocating.
"Oh, baby no." That's the last thing I hear until everything goes black.