Once in a lifetime.

3

January

Dalton

I slam him up against the wall. "Why didn't she call me?!" I scream at him. "I was the one she should have called, NOT YOU!" I know I'm hurting him, and I know it's not his fault but I couldn't help attacking him as soon as I saw him.

"Do you know of often she has Dalton? Have you ever listened to the messages?" I slam him again harder into the wall.  His eyes are starting to look hazy and for a second I wonder if I'm giving him a concussion. I think about why Juliet is calling him instead of me and the concussion doesn't matter. "Look man, I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad. I'm telling you this because I'm your friend. I know you still love her and I know she still loves you. She calls me because I call her back. She wants you, she doesn't want me."

I slam his body into the wall again, and again wanting to have someone else hurt as I do. "She better not want you!" I scream in his face. I stop to catch my breath and I see Cayden's eyes turn dark.

"Okay. I'm done." Cayden pushes me and because I'm not ready for it I take a few steps back. "You wanna know why she called me? Because she wanted to pretend it was you, Dalton." He gets in my face. "It wasn't because she wanted me, it was because she wanted to close her eyes and pretend that the arms holding her and the body next to her as yours. Not mine. She needed you today,"

"And I would have been there if she called."

"Oh, you would have?" Cayden crosses his arms. "Because she's needed you a lot of days and you were nowhere to be found. I've seen your voice mailbox do you even listen to her messages? Or do you listen to them and keep them for the fun of it? Do you realize that this is it for her? YOU are it for her? At least she thinks you are."

"I have a lot on my plate." I lean against the wall all of my energy quickly leaving my body. I've been doing that a lot lately, leaning as if my body is too heavy for me to keep up on my own. Cayden should know better than anyone what I've been through lately.
Cayden is the one who speaks first.

"I know why you won't call her and I think it's ridiculous. You want to be in a relationship with her but aren't willing to work for it." I stay silent ashamed. "You know what, forget it." He tosses his hands up in the air. He starts walking out the door.

"Cayden..." he turns.

"Did you know she didn't even want me to talk? She cried for hours in MY arms. Not yours, man! For hours, and the whole time she just wanted you."

"She's not even mine anymore Cayden! We both know that. She pushes ME away. I was there when I could be and she pushed me away."

"You're a fucking idiot. She's not done, but I am. Maybe I should just go back to Juliet. She needs someone, and clearly, you're not going to step up." Cayden started to walk away.

Rage bubbles up inside of me. I'm a fucking idiot? Why? How? Because I did what she asked? How dare HE toss Juliet up as if she's just this thing that can be traded. As if she isn't a person. And as if she wasn't my person. I charged after him only seeing red. How DARE he rub spending time with Jules in my face when he knows both sides of the story. I knocked him to the ground and I started swinging. I didn't know what my fists were hitting, all I know is it felt good. Really good.

My next swing was slowed by "She lost the baby." I slowly dropped my fists panting hard.

"What?"

"She lost the baby. That's why she called me. She knew I would answer and she needed someone. She lost the baby and she has dropped out of ballet. It's too much. Too much stress on her and the baby. People are mean, we know that Dalton. She couldn't keep up with ballet, the baby, and you. So she dropped out. She has been dealing with this all on her own." I look at my best friend's face. A black eye-forming, busted lip, yet I don't think he was crying because he hurt physically, but rather emotionally. I climbed off of him hearing this. Trying so hard to grasp onto what he was saying.

"What?"

"You're not a dad anymore. You chose that" he pointed his chin towards our merch laying on the floor in boxes. "Over her and your child. She feels alone. She's been doing this....alone. Don't you get that? You sit here and act like you're so hurt. Like she's the one who hurt you but have you ever thought about her for a second. Because I have, and she's pretty amazing dude." I can't think straight. I bring my hand up to my head and lay it flat against my forehead. "Aaron."

Cayden laughed. "Her brother?" He laughed again and looked away. "Sure. But it's not the same as you. She needs you. Did you forget Aaron has a life of his own? He's trying, but you're the dad. Don't you understand that?" He shoved me off of him. "How many times do I have to say it."  He shook his head. "Look. I'm not here to rub all of that in your face. I came to tell you that she's having a funeral."

I scrunched my face. "A what?"

How eyes met mine again. "A funeral. Ya know, that thing you have when people die?" He shook his head one last time before standing up. "It's on Saturday, at 3. Her brother's holding it at his house." He started to walk away.

"Did she invite me?" I asked, hoping that is what made him come here because she asked him to invite me to our baby's funeral.

"No," he said without turning. "But I'm invited so I'm inviting you because it's still your baby. Because she needs you and to be honest dude, I think you need her too. Just know this is the last time I'm going to just hand her over. If you don't take this seriously I will." When he got to the door I asked a question I wasn't sure I even heard, he must have thought because he stopped.

"Yeah" he laughed. "It was a girl."

And then I couldn't see anything because I was crying. All I heard was the door close behind him.

After I gathered myself I grabbed the bottle of vodka off the shelf. When she first left me I would drink myself into oblivion in hopes I'd be able to escape my thoughts of her. Sometimes I'd drink from dusk till dawn and sometimes if I was lucky, I'd be so out of it that I would see her.

I would stare, unblinking at her for as long as possible because I knew if I did blink, she would be gone, And she always was, I was going crazy. Now I have a chance to see her again, to try and make everything better. I feel like I have another chance to make everything right. My therapist, when I was still seeing one, told me that it wasn't my fault. It was a whole misunderstanding and that with time she would come around. It's been three months, four days, and a couple of hours since I last talked to her. Now everything can change, I can take the step to have everything change.