Microsoft word doc
A note from the fat anorexic girl
Why
Why is it every other anorexia survivor is skin and bones? Just like I wanna be.
Why is it that every other bulimic conquer has no stomach? Just like I want.
Why?
Why am I not like them? Is it what the doctor said? Is it because I don't TECHNICALLY have an eating disorder?
Don't they know what that does to someone who might? It makes you feel unworthy. You don't belong to the 'group'
You don't fit in.
You're not good enough at starving yourself to get put into the group.
It's bullshit.
But I want it.
I want the bullshit.
Was it all those times I got weak and ate?
And if not that then why? Because I excise, I diet, I don't eat anything that I'm 'not supposed to'
They eat more than me. They eat worse than me
Yet. I'm the one who looks fat
'it's just digestive issues'
Really? Then tell me why when I don't eat it doesn't go away I can deprive myself of food for a week and the fat will still be there
Yes. Fat.
'you can bloat. Since you haven't eaten anything In so long your body isn't used to it.
I've been 'clean' or 'healed' or 'cured' for what seems like forever.
The bloating is supposed to go away long before that.
So why isn't it? What's wrong with me?
Because it must be me.
When everyone else around me in the group is skinny
I'm left out, fat.
Because this is just another thing that no matter what I do I won't ever be good enough for.
Especially the ones who had what I had, they are the skinniest of them all.
Microsoft word doc
Every single time I eat I feel like I'm going to get sick.
Do you know what that's like?
To get the courage to eat
But then feel like trash after?
It makes you want to continue not eating.
Throw caution to the wind.
Ignore the good,
Focus on the bad.
Because I'm at that moment all I feel is
Nauseous
Sick
Stupid.
And all over a few bites of food.
YOU ARE READING
Once in a lifetime.
RomanceWhen the rest of the band stepped away slightly Dalton put his arm around my waist and I thought my knees were going to buckle. I knew what I was going to do, and I needed all the courage I could muster up. As my brother's thumb goes down to take th...
