Once in a lifetime.

48

October

Aaron and El leave today for their honeymoon, they've asked me to watch the house because I am the most obvious candidate. No, where to be, nothing to do, no friends to throw a party with. I'll be the best house sitter. I will sit in that house so well it won't even look touch when they return home. Plus, I kind of love there now.

After Dalton proposed I moved out of my parent's house and on with Aaron and El. They didn't hesitate to take me in, and since I was house sitting I just moved in a week earlier than I might have otherwise.

In other news, my dad found a text on my mom's phone from some dude named Frank. I guess they've been seeing each other for a while and not just in a 'friends' sort of way. I thought to back to the day I showed my mom the photo of Dalton and me. When she told me to make it my Home Screen to keep it away from my dad. I wonder if she was telling me from experience. I wish I knew then what I know now, I would have put myself aside and asked her what she meant and how she knew that would keep dad from seeing it. I also think back to how happy my mom looked around that time, I remember multiple days that she was in a good mood. I wonder if it was because of her newfound lover Frank.

I think the funniest part of it all is that mom is leaving dad. She announced she was leaving the day I told them I was pregnant but I guess good old Frank was the real reason behind it all, makes me wonder what would have happened if he didn't find out. Would she have given him a good excuse as to why she was suddenly with a new guy? She's in the process of moving out, but Frank is over more times than he should be for a new fling, which tells me it's not even close to being new.

She looks happy, and I'm happy for her, I just wish her happiness could have been with my dad. No matter how much my brother and I have talked about it, I'm taking Dad's side on this. The past is the past, you can't keep holding stuff over people's heads. Clearly, she isn't that hurt anymore anyways. Frank made it all better right?

"No parties,"

"No problem," I respond as my brother brings the trunk down on his car. I point to my own face, "No friends." We both know that's not completely true, but Tori is buried in research for getting her brother into her own custody and Ethan and Amber have been accepted to be instructors at Indianapolis ballet school. They've moved in and are happily living their life a few hours away from me. I'm happy for them, and praying Tori finds some way to help Johnny but it's left me lonely.

He starts counting on his fingers. "No beer, sushi, or strangers."

"We both know, that's not gonna happen."

"No trashing the house."

I roll my eyes, "You're still going?"

"I made a checklist."

El giggles by the front door. "Aaron, let's go."

Aaron lowers his voice leaning towards me and I think he's about to say something stupid again, "If you need something call if something happens or you get panicked or worried, call. Even if it's about food," he brings his body straight up again. "Which reminds me, please for the love of God. Eat."

So here I am on the couch, sitting, staring at a plate of pizza.

I think that this is the hardest thing about recovery, at least for me, it's the choice. Yes eating is hard, the path from the plate to your mouth can seem like an eternity and you can change your mind in a second, but in the gram scheme of things, it's not the hardest for me. I've always loved food. That's a common misconception with eating disorders, that the people who have them don't like food. I bring my lips to the side thinking.