Once in a lifetime.

⚠️41

September

"Welcome back everyone." I sit with my legs crossed, the bottom one bouncing. "I just wanted to say that I am proud of all of you who have returned and even more proud of the ones who are new. It takes guts to come back every week, whether it's for the first time or it's coming back. So while it might seem like a small step to you, it's a very big step. Who would like to share first?"

Tori raises her hand and I do my best not to show my surprise. "Okay let's start with your name."

I did have to sort of twist her arm to come with me today, even though she suggested I should go. She told me she wanted to go home with Johnny. I was beyond angry, I mean she had just got here, my parents were fine with it and she and Johnny were safe. I'm not sure what made her wanna go back but I also knew I couldn't make her stay. I told her that she could go back if she went to group therapy with me every Wednesday. That was the deal we made, I'd go if she'd go with me.

We found a free young adults group therapy session, and even though she was hyped for it after I hung up with Cayden, when I got her up this morning I had to almost drag her out of the house. I wonder how if it was because she didn't want to go, or if it meant leaving Johnny home by himself. Against my better judgment, they went home yesterday, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was worried for them.

"I'm Victoria but I'd rather you call me Tori. My dad hit me again last night." The room is silent. "I probably deserved it this time." She smiles to herself. I bite down on my tongue to not get angry. The first night back and he hits her again?"I challenged him and I know I'm not supposed to do that. He yelled at me for not having Johnny ready for bed when he got home from work. I listened to him yell at me for an hour and then something just cracked. I yelled back 'I do everything for you!' Who knew he wouldn't like that?" she lets out a laugh and I study her. Her words come out easy but I know this is hard for her.

She never wanted anyone to know, and when Alex found out she was more than embarrassed. I have never seen her as embarrassed as she was that day. "He hit me before I even had a chance to think about what I said. It makes me wonder if that's why mom left us. It wasn't because being a mom was too hard, it was because he hit her. If it is was why she left, I hate her more than I thought I could. How could she leave her CHILDREN with someone like that?" she clicks her tongue. "I guess I'll never know though. The worst part is I'm not even worried about my dad. I'm worried because this guy I like found out, I really really liked him. When he saw the bruises, I couldn't bring myself to lie to him. So, I told him.

When I did he was so mad he stormed out of the room, and of course, I didn't follow because duh. He asked me why I hadn't told anyone and I told him because Johnny and I would go into foster care and then be separated. I can't have that....but he didn't like that answer. He told me that I should stand up for us, take care of us. It's so easy for someone else to make demands on what to do in your situation. It's so easy to tell someone else what to do when it's not you. I do stand up for us, I do take care of us, just not well enough I guess. I just keep thinking....if I can make it a little while longer then we can move out and I can figure it out from there. I will take care of him as long as I can. He doesn't hurt Johnny, and I'm glad. I mean I don't really let him hurt Johnny but that's beside the point. I don't know what I would do if he did. So, Alex and I broke up. I guess he just can't deal with damaged goods." The room stays quiet as Tori tries to laugh.

"Thank you, Victoria." Our leader Brendan says. "Juliet?"

My breath instantly begins to get quick. "Pass."

"We don't pass here."

I look at Tori and she gives me a look of encouragement. She reaches over and grabs my hand nodding to me. I look up to the ceiling trying to make the tears slide back into my throat, then rolling my head to the side I say, "Umm. Well." I decided I don't want anyone to see my face so I look down. "I wrote a poem, I think I'll share that instead of what off the top of my head if that's okay." Brendan offers a kind smile and nods. I start to dig around in my bag for it, when I find it I take a few deep breaths and start to read.