He brought me back to life; A Captain America romance; Book one.

Chapter 18; Brace yourselves

It's Sunday morning and bright out now. The sun is streaming in through my dusty windows. I wonder what time it is. I didn't sleep a wink again, obviously. I kept replaying Friday night over and over in my mind. The tears eventually stopped about three hours ago. The pain and hurt replaced by furious anger and then utter exhaustion.

I thought what happened with Tony at the party would have been bad enough. But Steve? I shudder.

He turned me down. I opened my heart to him and he turned me down....Trying to protect me? What is it with people who think protecting you means ripping out your heart? How the fuck am I meant to face him tomorrow? And Tony? And the actual mission?

I groan, loudly and wrap myself back up in my sheet.

There's a knock on the door, I freeze. Please don't let it be him.

"Ellie? El, are you in there?" Nat's muffled voice asks, sweetly from the other side of the door. I leap off the bed and open it. I throw my arms around her and sob, uncontrollably. "Hey, It's okay, it's okay," she coos, gently rubbing my back.

"Everything is fucked up Nat, I can't take it anymore, I can't face them. The mission! I I-" Nat puts her hand over my mouth and shushes me. I hiccup under her fingers and she smiles, kindly. She hands me a burger and a pint of chocolate ice cream and a plastic spoon; "Tell me everything."

***

"Woah."

I'm half way through my tub of ice cream, nodding dazedly. "I-, Bu-, woah," she repeats, shaking her head.

She's quiet for a long time, thinking hard, before starting, tentatively; "Maybe he is trying just trying to protect you, Ellie. I mean, I know how hard it is trying to keep relationships going in the line of work we're in... and that's with someone who isn't an avenger! We are always away fighting someone. He'd never be here to actually be with you. And when we're gone on mission, he knows that if you two were together that you'd just be a nervous wreck all of the time. We do have a lot of enemies and maybe he's just trying to shield you from that?" Her little speech sounded more like a question. "I really do think he's trying to protect you from this crazy life."

"But why kiss me back, Nat? If that's how he feels why kiss me?" I ask, a tear now rolling down my cheek. "El, he likes you, a lot. I'm sure it was one on of the hardest things he's had to do lately, saying no. I bet he hates himself right now. But he's Captain America and will always try to do the right thing to help people stay safe." She smiles, wiping a tear from my face.

I blink rapidly, kind of starting to see where he might be coming from now, in the light of day.

"And Tony? That spoiled little man child? Well he's just gonna have to get over it and grovel until the cows come home. You two will be fine. I actually think it's good that this came out the other night. Maybe now that it's all aired you two can finally be be good together," Nat says, optimistically.

"Maybe...What the fuck am I supposed to do now?" I ask, hoping she'll give me answer.

"What do you mean what do you do now? You shake it off. You get your head back in the game, say; "Fuck you" to dumb and dumber and go save the world tomorrow!" She bellows, standing up and placing her hands on her hips in a super hero pose. I laugh, quietly. I love that woman

"Okay, I brought you some clothes to change in to. Briefing is in an hour. We have to go," Nat says, pulling me me out of my daze.

At least I won't have much time to stress about my personal life going to shit because in thirty six hours I could be dead and responsible for the end of the world. Oh fuck