The beginning of everything else

Stomach Cushions

The sun is on my face as I wake up, trying to snuggle into my duvet a little longer, remembering the day that we had yesterday. Every day that we have spoken for the past week has seen him more open than I ever remembered, and then yesterday - when he told me that he loved me - I smile to myself as I stretch thinking about how perfect the day had been. 

As I wake more fully, I realize that whilst I am in my bed, I am still fully dressed from yesterday. I remember that he had gone to make popcorn whilst I chose a film, but I had rested my head on the couch as I watched him make himself at home in my kitchen and then... with a groan, I realize that I must have fallen asleep before he had finished, and he must have carried me to bed before he left.

The disappointment floods me as I realize that I didn't say goodbye, or kiss him again which is really my problem if I am honest with myself. We have no plans for today and he is leaving again tonight, I had assumed that we would make some before he left. 

"Stupid sleep" I mutter to myself as I start to roll out of bed. "I need a plan", I think as I make my way to the bathroom, "I'll drink coffee, have a shower and then send him a text, that'll give me time to think of something to do if he doesn't already have plans with his family".

I nearly reach the kitchen when I think I hear a noise. I stand still and listen, my heart racing in my chest as I survey the room. In my head, am doing the calculation of how quickly I could get to the kitchen for a weapon or out of the front door. has he not closed the door properly when he left?

I hear it again and my heart is pounding in my chest. This time the noise was longer, and I realize that it is coming from the couch. Clarity dawns on me as my eyes register what they didn't see before in the alcove by the door. Noah's shoes are still here, meaning he must be too, and as I creep over to the living room I find him, mouth open and softly snoring, covered in a blanket, asleep on the couch. 

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I wake up to Shelly crawling over my chest, burrowing into the gap between me and the cushions, and putting her head on my shoulder after kissing my jaw. Without opening my eyes I wrap her in my arms and pull the blanket over us both.

"Morning beautiful" I mumble as a squeeze her tight and kiss her temple. If you had told me this is how I would wake up this morning, I'm not sure I would have believed you but I wouldn't change it.

"Morning" she replies, but I hear her voice wobble, my eyes snap open to looking down at her. Whatever it is that made her cry, I'll fix it, this thing we are doing here is too important.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I ask, the panic evident in my voice until she manages a giggle, and my heart rate slows a little, not quite to normal, but if she's laughing... "Elle?"

"You just called me baby" she continues laughing with a glint in her eye that tells me she is mocking me, whilst avoiding my question. I'll indulge her for a minute, "You've never called me that before" she confirms.

"Do you not like it?" I ask genuinely interested. 

Shaking her head "No, I like it" she whispers, pulling my head down to hers and connecting our lips. Her distraction is successful until my hand touches her cheek and the damp reminder of my unanswered question from earlier. From her reaction, I am hoping that this isn't something I have done, but still, her avoidance of the question is worrying me a little.

"Elle, why were you crying earlier?", I ask as she settles back into my side.

"It's stupid", she mumbles whilst looking anywhere other than at me. For a minute I think I will need to push again, "I didn't know you were still here, and then I heard a noise, and then you were, and it made me really happy" she blushes.

"It's not stupid Elle" I tell her, elated at how pleased she is that I stayed, "I didn't want you to wake up and find me gone, I promised you I wasn't going anywhere, slipping away whilst you were asleep didn't seem like the right option" I continued, smiling down at her, "But we also said we'd take it slow, so getting in bed with you when you were asleep seemed didn't seem too sensible or gentlemanly"

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So we came up with a plan for the morning. Noah has gone back to his parent's house to shower and change, say goodbye, and then come back here with his things. I am sitting on my balcony watching the world go by, there are pastries on the counter and my coffee machine is primed and ready to go. We had debated for a while what we wanted to do; visit our families, go out for lunch, go to the movies, go hiking - but we quickly realized that we just wanted time together, with no interruptions and no sharing each other with anyone else. 

We can tell our families separately or together, at some point in the near future, although I am sure by now, June will have grilled him for some of the details. The thought makes me smile, the way that both of them turn into little boys when they need to tell their Mom something important is adorable. Lee is a grown man, with a good job, and he and Rach were already living together in their own home - and June loves her. His engagement was no surprise to anybody and yet when it was time to make the announcement to his parents, his Mom's approval was the thing that had him in knots. 

My mind wanders to what I will tell my Dad. When we broke up, his reaction had surprised me. I didn't want him to be angry at Noah, and he hadn't been. In hindsight, I think my dad had understood his reasons way before I fully did, and so I am hoping that when we do tell him about whatever this is, that he won't give Noah too hard a time about it. 

And that brings me to the other topic filling my mind - whatever this is - we are clearly something, there has been a lot of kissing and whilst we haven't taken it further Noah has made a couple of comments that tell me he wants to, and I do too, he has made reference to trying again, and getting back together, which I am also fully behind, and we have both said "I love you". But he also lives 3000 miles away and I don't know when I will see him again. So what are we right now is the question, are we dating, are we "seeing what happens", or are we together? It's a question that I could ask him, sure, but would that seem clingy? 

The knock on the door breaks me away from my thoughts, and I rush to let him in. I've no sooner shut the door behind him than I find myself scooped up into his arms. With my legs wrapped around him, and him holding me up by my butt, I feel my back touch the wall.

After kissing, and breakfast, and kissing, and the dishes, and more kissing we settle back to the couch in my all-time favorite TV watching position. When we were in High School, he would only lay like this when it was only us two together, knowing the minute Lee saw us he would never hear the end of it. With me on my back, my head propped on the side of the couch, he would lay on his front between my legs using my stomach as a cushion. As we watched the screen, it would give me full access to play with his hair, which he secretly loved, and every so often he would make noises of sheer contentment and drop kisses on my tummy. 

The show that we settled on is a British one that he suggested. His taste in comedy has become very UK flavored after years of Chloe's influence and this is one of his favorites. It's called "Taskmaster" and it is a bunch of British Comedians being given tasks like "Throw a teabag into a cup from the furthest distance", and whilst I wasn't sure I would like it when he suggested it, the show is brilliantly silly and I'm loving it. It also has the added bonus of hearing Noah laughing with delight, which is a rare treat.

After one particular part leaves him giggling like a kid, my mouth speaks faster than my brain can reign it in, and I hear myself tell him "I could stay like this with you forever", and suddenly the atmosphere changes.

I freeze, like a deer in the headlights, as a feel him lift his head and pause the show.