The beginning of everything else

Lack of Eye Contact

My uber stops outside of the bar just as it's approaching 11 pm, there is a steady breeze coming off the sea, the air is fresh and it never smelt so good. Getting here tonight has been grueling and almost entirely by chance, when I got a call to say the building super was free earlier than he'd previously thought and so if I wanted to, I could hand over the keys right then. I checked for flights and the one leaving for LA still had a couple of seats, and so from the minute that I finished work I had been rushing to get every loose end tied up and then get my butt on that plane

Arriving at LAX this time felt different, I was no longer a visitor, a guest, someone soon to be leaving. I always referred to this city as 'home' in conversation because it's where my parents live, where I grew up, and the only city that I could ever imagine putting down permanent roots in. Elle's presence in the city had paradoxically meant that it was for many years exactly where I wanted to be, and also the place that couldn't. But now it was home, in every possible way, and regardless of how hectic the last few hours had been to get here, this party was part of that fresh start, where there was family, new and old friends, and the woman that would always be my anchor.

I found Lee and Rachel on the dancefloor slow dancing to a song that only they could hear. Lee was terrible causing Rach to keep giggling, which whilst cute probably wasn't a good omen for their perfect first dance. Mouthing "where's Elle" over the music, I saw Lee point towards a door that led to a little enclosed terrace, and so I wind my way through the crowd and start to push open the door.

"So you guys are back together?" I'm hardly listening as I stand next to Tuppen at the bar, replaying the only bit of the conversation that I had heard through the slightly open door - "maybe we could meet for coffee or maybe dinner, and you could tell me all about it"

"We just got a place together out in West Hollywood" I respond, trying not to be rude, "I'm starting a new job in January out here, my last day at the old place was today but I didn't think I'd get back in time for this. What about you?"

I had wanted to burst through the door and tell Marco he was wrong, but where would that get me. Causing a scene at our friends' party, embarrassing her in front of hundreds of people. I trust her, but it wasn't her that was the problem. 

"I'm glad, you always seemed really good for each other, we should catch up for real when I'm back in LA in a couple of weeks, you know, when your not preoccupied" he says with sympathy, nodding at the door.

"Sorry man, I'm just... how is that even happening, it's like history repeating... can you just distract me? What are you doing for Christmas and New Year?" I ask, turning my whole body to face him.

"We're here in LA this year for Christmas, we spent last year in New Orleans with Char's parents, not sure about New Year yet" he starts, smiling at the question in my raised eyebrow, "we met senior year at college, she's great, we're staying down in San Diego so I can do my Masters at the moment, you're looking at a soon to be marine biologist... I know... surprised me too, then who knows where we'll end up next, but yeah, I'm pretty sure she's the one you know? So wherever I go, I'm hoping she's with me" he continues

"I do know" I try to smile, although it's a strain

"Hear her out" he instructs me, "no one knew he was coming tonight, and when I walked past them, she didn't look all that pleased to see him"

"They looked OK when I saw them" I tell him, "He was asking her out on a date"

"Let me buy you a beer, wait for her to come to find you, and it'll be fine"

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I find him at the bar with Tuppen and if there was even a small slither of hope that he hadn't seen me talking to Marco, it evaporated when I saw his shoulders slumped, hair a mess from running his fingers through it in frustration, and the closed-off look in his eyes. It's not like I wouldn't have told him, but not this way, and I can tell from his posture that whatever he saw had caused him angst.