The beginning of everything else

The Weary Traveller

Driving towards LAX, I run over last night's conversation in my head. There was nothing wrong as such, but there was definitely something slightly off-kilter with his demeanor towards the end. We had spoken about my friends and family's reaction to us starting our relationship again and then moved onto the apartments that he wanted to view, and around that point in the call he had seemed tense.

Noah hadn't been as talkative when we were younger as he seems to be now, and so I had often had to rely on his non-verbal cues to know something was wrong or going on in his head. He had certainly exhibited some of those cues last night during the end of our call, and ever since we hung up I had been wondering what was on his mind to have him flexing and cracking his fingers and rubbing the back of his neck.

Traffic on the freeway is heavy for this time of night but he knows to wait if I'm not there when he exits the arrivals hall. With my window rolled down and the breeze filling the car, I have time to mull over the information that I know. 

I think back to the end of our conversation when we finally said good night. The love in his eyes would have been obvious to anybody that was in the room, and even now thinking about the way he looked at me brings a flutter to my heart. I know that he is insanely busy, and staying up late every night must be taking a toll, but he won't even contemplate skipping our call one night so he can catch up on some much-needed sleep.

I guess he could be worried about talking to my Dad. He really doesn't have anything to worry about, but maybe he won't believe that until it done, and if that is the case there is nothing I can really do, except maybe hurry that discussion along. The only other option is the apartments, but I'm not sure what the issue could be if that is the case. Either way, I can't do anything until I see him, and if it is important I trust that he'll tell me when he's ready.

As soon as he sees me nearing the pick-up point, his smile spreads from ear to ear. It's the one that completely transforms his face, showing his dimples off, the one I think is only for me. By the time I have brought the car to a stop, he is jogging over with no care about maintaining any cool demeanor, and the minute he is in the car, he's leaning over the center console pulling me in for a much-needed kiss.

Pulling into my space outside of the apartment complex I have to nudge him awake, It's around 1am LA time, which means is practically tomorrow morning to him. I had been updating him on Lee and Rachel's wedding prep as his thumb massaged circles onto the back of my free hand. I could tell he was trying to fight the sleep, but as his thumb gradually slowed, and his speech began to slur, I knew he was losing the battle. We had 20 minutes left of the drive when he took a deep nasal breath in and said "I love you Shell" before everything stilled.

I had gotten out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, opening the door I gave his shoulder a gentle shake.

"Noah? Noah, wake up" I said caressing his cheek and he made a weird groaning noise that wouldn't make sense to man nor beast.

"Noah, come on you're still sitting in the car" I tried again, shaking his shoulder a little more vigorously this time. "We can't stay out here all night"

But he's still in sleep mode as his arm snakes around my waist pulling me towards him and into the car. Now I'm giggling a lot as I sit in his lap, he looks so damned cute, and I can see that he is slowly starting to come around as I wiggle about in his embrace.

"Noah, we're home" I try a third time, I'd like to go to bed, but then again if I can't have that, this isn't an awful place to be.

This time it seems to get through though as his eyes flicker open, and a smile spreads to his lips, he squeezes me tighter and his lips skim my neck as he murmurs "Mmmm home... I like the sound of that"

As soon as we get inside we both go straight to the bathroom to start getting ready for bed. I'd love to be able to say I was going to jump his bones, but the truth is I'm exhausted and he's in an even worst state, not even able to form a witty comeback when I tease him about how slowly he's brushing his teeth. By the time I get into bed after I have checked to make sure everything is locked and switched off all of the lights, I think he has fallen asleep until he wraps his arm around me and tucks me into his side so that I can lay my head on his chest. It might not be the passionate lovemaking of last weekend, but in many ways, this is better. I could happily fall asleep in his arms and wake up by his side every day for the rest of my life. I feel content, safe, loved, and it is bliss.

I feel him turn his head slightly to kiss my forehead and I practically purr, his hand gently strokes up and down the dip in my waist and my fingers trace patterns across his pecs. It feels like we are about to just quietly drift off together until I hear him take a deep breath.

"Shell?" he starts tentatively, and I instantly know this is about whatever had him tense yesterday, but with his arm wrapped around me, and his fingers still tracing my sides, I know whatever it is, I don't need to stress.

"Yeah" I respond, waiting for him to go on

"Something you said last night on the phone got me thinking" he continues before pausing a moment, "well I suppose I had sort of been thinking it before that, but not realizing it until we spoke yesterday, I'm not sure if I'm even making sense"

"You mean subconsciously?" I ask, pressing a light kiss to his lips, giving him unspoken encouragement to keep going.

"Right, subconsciously"

"OK"

"It's OK if you don't think it's a good idea, I won't get upset I promise" he tells me, his voice full of sincerity, "I can't wait to get back here to LA to be with you, it's driving me insane being that far away for another two weeks, but I'd been really struggling to get into the whole apartment search thing, and then last night you said you needed to look for an apartment soon too... and that's when I realized that I don't just want to live in LA, I want to live in LA with you... so I thought maybe we could talk about what that could look like, if you want to?"

He sounds so unsure, not of what he wants, but whether I would want it to. Of course I do, I know it's quick, but then again is it? I wanted to 6 years ago, and I want to now, there's no doubt. I must have paused for too long because he rushes to fill the void.

"We don't need to right now, and I know you said it would be a few more months before you would move, so maybe we could find me a slightly bigger place that we both like, and then revisit it nearer the time... or if you think we're a little way from that... well that's OK, we could - "

"Noah, slow down" I say switching the bedside light on, "I want to too"

And with that, all of our tiredness is gone, and as he captures my lips, I think it will be a while before we fall asleep.